April 13: Writing Down Your Fears

Once the resentments are on paper, the next list waiting is your fears. For many people, it’s even more uncomfortable.

Fear hides well. It wears other clothes. It looks like anger, or control, or always needing a plan, or never committing to anything. Underneath plenty of resentments, you’ll find fear sitting quietly. Fear of being left. Fear of not having enough. Fear of being found out.

David wrote this psalm after a frightening episode. He had run to a foreign king’s court to escape danger and ended up pretending to be insane to save his life. Not his finest hour. And he writes: I sought the Lord, and He answered me, and delivered me from all my fears.

The fear inventory works much like the resentment list. Write down each fear, one per line. Fear of losing your job. Fear of people finding out about your past. Fear of being alone. Fear of not being able to stay sober. Fear of God, the wrong kind, the kind that says He’s waiting to punish you.

Then ask about each one: why do I have this fear? Write the honest reason. And then ask a harder question: has relying on myself made this fear bigger?

Often it has. Many fears grow out of trying to run your own life, make everything turn out right, and protect yourself at all costs. Self-reliance promised safety and delivered anxiety. That’s worth seeing.

Then you bring the list to God, the way David did. You seek Him. You don’t just tell Him your fears. You ask Him what He’d have you be instead. The answer usually starts with trust.

Most fears look smaller on paper than they did at night. Not all. But most.

One thing today

Start your fear list. Write at least five fears, then the reason behind each. Next to each one, ask if self-reliance made it worse, and note yes or no.

A prayer

Lord, I’ve been afraid for a long time, and I’ve tried to protect myself on my own. It hasn’t worked. I’m seeking You now. Answer me, and deliver me from these fears. Amen.

Fears are part of the Step Four inventory.

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