April 23: Coming to Your Senses
There are some harms that don’t fit neatly under resentments or fears. They still need to be written down.
“And when he came to himself, he said, How many hired servants of my father’s have bread enough and to spare, and I perish with hunger! I will arise and go to my father, and will say unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and before thee, And am no more worthy to be called thy son: make me as one of thy hired servants. And he arose, and came to his father. But when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed him.”
The prodigal son had taken his inheritance, wasted it, and ended up feeding pigs, hungry enough to eat their food. Then Luke says: he came to himself. Some translations say he came to his senses.
That’s a beautiful phrase. It suggests that the son he’d been, the one who left and wasted everything, wasn’t really him. Coming to himself meant waking up to the truth.
And what was the first thing he did? He made an honest list in his head. I’ve sinned against heaven and against you. I’m not worthy to be called your son. He didn’t make excuses. He named the harm.
The last part of your inventory is a list of other harms you’ve done. Things that didn’t show up on your resentment, fear or sex conduct lists. Money you took. Lies you told. Promises you broke. Times you were cruel. People you let down when you were drinking. Write each one: who you harmed, what you did, and which part of self was behind it.
This list will be useful later, when you get to amends. For now, just get it down.
Here’s the part of the story that matters most. The son started walking home, rehearsing his speech. And while he was still a long way off, his father saw him, felt compassion, and ran to him. The father didn’t wait for the speech to be perfect. He ran.
That’s who you’re writing for. Not an accuser. A Father who’s already running toward you.
Writing this list can sting more than the others, because there’s no one else to blame. That’s exactly why it matters. It’s where you stop being the one who was wronged and start owning what you did. And it’s the beginning of making things right.
One thing today
Start your list of other harms. Write at least five: the person, what you did, and what drove it, such as selfishness, fear or dishonesty.
A prayer
Father, I’m coming to my senses. I’ve hurt people, and I want to name it honestly. Thank You that You run toward me while I’m still far away. Give me courage for this list. Amen.
The final inventory list is part of Step Four.
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