April 8: What It Touched in You

Have you ever noticed that some small slights make you furious while bigger ones barely register?

There’s usually a reason, and it has less to do with the other person than with what they touched in you.

That’s what the third column of the inventory is about. After who or what, and the cause, you ask: what did this affect in me? The common answers are your self-esteem, your security, your personal relationships, your ambitions. Sometimes your sense of safety in your sexual life, too. One resentment often hits several at once.

Say a coworker got credit for your work. It touched your self-esteem: you felt invisible. It touched your ambitions: you wanted that promotion. Maybe your security: you need the job. Suddenly it’s clear why you couldn’t stop thinking about it.

Proverbs says the human spirit is the lamp of the Lord, searching all the inner parts. God has put a kind of light inside you. When you sit quietly with a resentment and ask what it touched, that lamp starts to show you things. Not to shame you. To help you understand yourself.

This column often reveals patterns. Maybe nearly every resentment touches your pride. Maybe most of them come back to money and fear of not having enough. Maybe it’s relationships, the fear of being left. Seeing the pattern is a big step. It shows where your heart has been leaning on something other than God.

Don’t overthink the column. A few words per line are enough: self-esteem, security, relationships, ambitions. Circle the ones that fit. Go down the page instead of across, one column at a time. That keeps you moving and helps the patterns show up.

The lamp isn’t there to frighten you. It’s there so you can see where you’re going.

One thing today

Go down the third column for every name you’ve written so far. For each, note what it affected. Then look at the whole column and write one sentence about the pattern you see.

A prayer

Lord, You’ve put a light in me, and You see what I can’t. Show me what these resentments have been touching, and where my heart has been leaning on things other than You. Amen.

Learn more about the columns on the Step Four page.

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