December 15: The Empty Chair at Christmas

There’s someone who won’t be at the table this year. The closer Christmas gets, the more it hurts.

Maybe a parent died. A spouse. A child. A friend you got sober with who didn’t make it. Maybe it’s not a death at all. Maybe it’s a marriage that ended, or a child who won’t speak to you, or a family that drifted apart during the drinking years. Whatever it is, the holidays make the empty space very visible.

Grief and the holidays are a hard mix. Everyone around you seems happy. The songs are cheerful. The decorations are bright. And you’re carrying something heavy that nobody can see.

For people in recovery, grief is especially risky. For years, alcohol may have been the way you handled loss. Numbing it. Drowning it. Now, sober, you feel it fully. That’s painful. It’s also healthy. Grief that’s felt can heal. Grief that’s numbed just waits.

The psalm says God heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. That’s tender language. Binding a wound is close, careful work. It’s what a parent does for a child’s scraped knee. God isn’t distant from your grief. He’s leaning in. Not to rush you through it. To be with you in it.

Give yourself permission to grieve this season. You don’t have to pretend to be cheerful. Tell people you’re having a hard time. Let yourself cry. Do something to remember the person. Light a candle. Look at photos. Visit a grave. Tell stories about them.

And don’t grieve alone. Talk about it at a meeting. Tell your sponsor. Ask your pastor to pray with you. Many churches hold quiet services in December for people who are grieving. They’re often called Blue Christmas or Longest Night services. They’re worth finding.

Your grief may also become part of your message someday. Someone else will lose someone. You’ll be able to sit with them and say, “I know. I’ve been there. You can get through this sober.”

One thing today

Do one thing to honor the person you’re missing. Then tell one person in recovery or at church that this season is hard for you, and let them pray with you.

A prayer

Lord, I miss them. The holidays make it hurt more. Heal my broken heart. Bind up my wounds gently. Help me grieve honestly and stay sober while I do. Amen.

Grief, shared honestly, becomes part of Step Twelve.

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