February 14: Loved Before You Change

Some part of you believes you’ll be lovable once you’ve been sober long enough. Once you’ve fixed enough. Once you’ve made up for enough.

John writes that there is no fear in love. Perfect love casts out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. Then he adds one short line that changes everything: We love Him, because He first loved us.

He loved first. Before you loved Him back. Before you got sober. Before you made a single amends.

On a day all about love, it’s worth asking what kind of love you believe in. Many people in early recovery carry a hidden belief that love has to be earned. Maybe they learned it as kids. Maybe they learned it from relationships where love was withdrawn every time they messed up. Maybe drinking taught them, because the people around them grew tired and cold.

So they bring that same belief to God. They imagine Him with crossed arms, waiting to see if they’ll really change this time. That picture fills a person with fear. And fear is a poor foundation for recovery. It makes you hide your slips, avoid prayer and keep God at a distance until you feel worthy.

John says that isn’t how God’s love works. His love came first. It isn’t a reward for getting better. It’s what makes getting better possible.

Step Two talks about coming to believe in a Power greater than yourself. For Christians, that Power has a face and a name, and the most important thing about Him is that He loves. Not grudgingly. Not conditionally. He loved you while you were still drinking. He loves you this morning, whatever last night looked like.

You don’t have to earn your way into that love. You just have to stop running from it.

If you’re spending today alone, you’re still loved. If you’re spending it with someone you’ve hurt, you’re still loved. Let that love push out some of the fear.

One thing today

Write this sentence and read it aloud three times: “God loved me first, before I changed.” Notice which part is hardest to believe.

A prayer

God, I keep trying to earn Your love. Thank You that You loved me first. Push out my fear with Your love, and help me love others the same way.

God’s love is at the center of Step Two.

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