January 13: Telling the Truth at Home
They ask how much you had. You give them the number you think they can handle.
“Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another.”
Paul writes that we should put away falsehood and speak truth with our neighbor, because we are members of one another. The people closest to you are your nearest neighbors. You share a kitchen, a bed, a bank account, a last name. When one person lies in a home, everyone in it lives inside the lie.
Drinking runs on small lies. “Just a couple.” “I was working late.” “I’m fine.” Most of them don’t feel like lies when you say them. They feel like protecting the peace. But the people who live with you usually know more than you think. They have counted bottles too. They’ve noticed the slurring, the forgetting, the hiding. Your small lies don’t protect them. They make them feel crazy, because what they see and what they hear don’t match.
Step One starts with being honest with yourself and with God. For most people, honesty at home comes next. Not every detail at once, and not in a way that dumps everything on someone already hurting. But a turn toward truth. “I’ve been drinking more than I told you. I need help, and I’m trying to get it.”
That sentence can be hard to say. It may bring tears or anger. Give the people you love room to feel what they feel. They’ve been carrying a lot. Don’t argue, defend or explain. Just listen.
If you are married, your spouse may want to know the whole story right away. It’s often wise to say the truth plainly now and leave the long, detailed conversations for later, with a pastor or counselor in the room. Be honest, but be patient with the process.
Speaking truth at home won’t fix everything overnight. Trust grows back slowly. But every honest sentence is a brick laid in the right direction.
One thing today
Say one true sentence to someone at home about your drinking. Keep it short. Don’t defend it. Then let them respond however they need to.
A prayer
God, I’ve lied to the people I love most. Give me courage to tell them the truth, gentleness in how I say it, and patience with how they hear it.
More on honesty in Step One.
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