July 18: Stop Comparing Your Recovery
The guy at the meeting got his kids back. The woman you came in with already has a year. Your brother-in-law can have two beers and stop. And here you are. Why does everyone else seem ahead?
“But let each one test his own work, and then his reason to boast will be in himself alone and not in his neighbor. For each will have to bear his own load.”
Paul gives some very practical advice. Test your own work. Then you can be glad about yourself without comparing to someone else. Each person carries their own load.
Comparison is a sneaky defect. It can look like humility, “Everyone’s doing better than me.” It can look like pride, “At least I’m not as bad as him.” Either way, your eyes are on the wrong person. You’re measuring your life against someone else’s highlight reel.
You don’t know their whole story. You see the year chip. You don’t see the nights they almost called it quits. You see the kids coming home. You don’t see the years of court dates that came first. Everyone has a load. Theirs just isn’t yours.
And comparing yourself to people who can drink normally is the oldest trap there is. You are not them. Your body and your history are different. Trying to drink like someone else is how a lot of people ended up in the rooms.
Step Seven asks God to remove the shortcomings that block you from being useful. Jealousy is one of those. It eats up energy you could spend on your own recovery. It makes it hard to be glad for other people. It can even push you toward a drink.
The opposite of jealousy is gratitude for someone else’s good thing. Try it. When you notice yourself envying someone, say a quick prayer of thanks for them. “God, thank You for her year.” It feels wrong at first. Then it starts to feel good. You’re joining in their joy instead of standing outside it.
Then look at your own work. What did you do today? Did you pray? Make a call? Stay sober? That’s your load. Carry it well.
One thing today
Think of one person you’ve been jealous of in recovery. Thank God for them by name. If you can, congratulate them in person or by text.
A prayer
God, I keep looking at everyone else’s life. Help me tend my own. Take away my jealousy. When I see someone else doing well, help me be glad for them. Amen.
Jealousy is one of the defects you can bring to God in Step Seven.
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