July 29: The Things Done in Secret

There’s something you do when no one’s watching. It’s not drinking. But it’s not good either. And you haven’t told anyone. What happens to secrets like that?

David ends this long psalm with a bold prayer. Search me, God. Know my heart. Test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any wicked way in me. Lead me in the everlasting way.

That’s a dangerous prayer. It invites God into the locked rooms. Most of us would rather keep a few rooms locked. A little secret habit. A private fantasy life. Spending you hide. Late-night scrolling you’d be embarrassed about. Resentments you nurse quietly.

These secret habits matter in recovery because they often work like drinking did. They’re a way to escape, to numb out, to feel better for a moment. And they come with the same shame afterward. Secrets keep you sick. People in recovery have said that for a long time, and it’s true.

Step Seven asks God to remove every shortcoming that stands in the way. Not just the ones you’re comfortable talking about. The secret ones too. That’s where David’s prayer helps. You’re not just asking God to fix what you already know. You’re asking Him to show you what you’ve been hiding, even from yourself.

The next step is usually to tell someone. A sponsor, a pastor, a trusted friend in recovery. Not everyone. One safe person. Saying it out loud breaks a lot of its hold. It also lets someone else pray for you and check on you.

You don’t have to fix it alone, and you don’t have to fix it today. But bring it into the light. God already knows. He’s not shocked. He’s inviting you to stop carrying it alone.

One thing today

Pray David’s prayer slowly today. “Search me, God.” Then write down anything that comes to mind. If it’s something you’ve kept secret, decide who you’ll tell this week.

A prayer

Search me, God, and know my heart. Show me what I’ve been hiding. I don’t want any locked rooms with You. Lead me in the everlasting way. Amen.

If shame is keeping the secret locked up, the shame after drinking page may help.

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