July 6: Slow to Speak, Slow to Anger

Someone cuts in front of you. Someone says the wrong thing. Before you know it, your jaw is tight and your words are sharp. Sound familiar?

James gives three short instructions. Be quick to hear. Be slow to speak. Be slow to anger. Then he tells you why. Human anger doesn’t produce what God wants.

For many people in recovery, anger was close to the center of the drinking. Resentment fed the bottle, and the bottle fed more resentment. Your inventory probably showed you that. Step Seven is where you ask God to take it, and then start practicing the opposite.

That’s an important part of this step. You don’t just pray and wait. You pray, and then you practice. If anger is the defect, patience is the practice. Not a feeling of patience. The action of it. Waiting before you answer. Lowering your voice on purpose. Letting someone finish their sentence.

It will feel awkward at first. It’s supposed to. You’re building a new muscle. The old muscle, the quick reaction, is strong because you used it for years. The new one is weak because it’s new. Every time you choose the slow answer, it gets a little stronger.

Here’s a simple tool. When you feel the heat rise, count your breaths. Five slow ones. In that time, say a quick prayer. “God, help me.” That’s enough. You’ll be surprised how often the urge to snap passes in those five breaths.

You will still lose your temper sometimes. When you do, admit it quickly. “I was wrong to talk to you like that.” Those words used to feel impossible. They’ll get easier too.

Being quick to listen is the other half. Most anger comes from hearing only half the story. Ask one more question before you decide what someone meant.

One thing today

Pick one conversation today where you’ll be the last to speak. Let the other person finish completely. Count three breaths before you answer.

A prayer

Father, You know how quickly I heat up. Take this anger that I can’t manage. Make me quick to listen and slow to speak, and give me the patience I can’t make on my own. Amen.

Asking, and then practicing the opposite, is the heart of Step Seven.

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