May 12: Sorry for My Sin

As your Step Five gets closer, you may notice a new kind of sadness.

David writes: I will declare my iniquity. I will be sorry for my sin.

Two things are happening there. Declaring, which is saying it out loud. And being sorry, which is feeling the weight of it.

The middle part of Step Five is admitting the truth to yourself. That might sound easy. You wrote the inventory, after all. But knowing something in your head is different from letting it land in your heart. When it lands, sorrow often comes.

You might grieve the years lost to drinking. The people you hurt. The person you could have been. That grief is real and it’s appropriate. It’s a sign your heart is waking up.

But there’s a difference between godly sorrow and shame that never ends. Godly sorrow looks at what you did and says, that was wrong, and I’m sorry. Then it turns toward God and toward change. Shame looks at what you did and says, that’s who I am, and nothing will ever change. It turns inward and spirals down.

Psalm 38 is full of pain. But even in the middle of it, David keeps talking to God. Don’t forsake me. Hurry to help me, Lord, my salvation. His sorrow keeps facing God.

If sorrow comes today, let it. Cry if you need to. Talk to someone. But keep facing God. Sorrow that faces Him leads somewhere good.

And take care of yourself. Eat. Rest. Get outside. Grief is tiring. Be gentle with yourself while you feel it.

Sorrow also has a shape and an end. It isn’t meant to last forever. It comes, it does its work, and it gives way to something else. Many people find that after real sorrow comes a quiet kind of peace.

One thing today

Write a short, honest sentence about something you’re truly sorry for. Then pray it to God, and ask Him to turn your sorrow toward change.

A prayer

Lord, I’m sorry for my sin. I feel it now in a way I didn’t before. Don’t leave me in this sadness. Turn it toward You and toward a new way of living. Amen.

Admitting it to ourselves is part of Step Five.

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