October 31: Taking Off the Mask

Tonight, people put on masks for fun. What masks do you still wear the rest of the year?

Halloween is the one night when pretending to be someone else is the whole point. Kids become superheroes. Adults become zombies and pirates. It’s a game, and it can be a lot of fun.

But many people in recovery know what it’s like to wear a mask every day. The mask of “I’m fine.” The mask of the person who has it together at work. The mask of the friendly neighbor while things fell apart at home. For years, maybe, the mask was holding up the whole show. And underneath it, alcohol was doing most of the work.

David wrote this psalm after he’d been caught in a terrible sin, one he had hidden for a long time. And one thing he learned is that God wants truth in the inward parts. Not just good behavior on the outside. Honesty all the way down. And God doesn’t just demand it. He teaches it. In the hidden places, You will make me know wisdom.

That’s what this whole month has been about. Step Ten is the daily practice of taking the mask off. Looking honestly at what’s underneath. Saying it out loud to God and to someone else. Fixing what you can, quickly.

If you’re going out tonight, you already have a plan, or you’ve decided to stay home. Either is good. Stick with what you decided. If the night gets hard, leave early. Call someone. The party will happen again next year. Your sobriety is worth more than one night.

And when you get home, take off whatever costume you wore, and do your nightly review. Where did you wear a mask today? Where were you honest? What went right? You’ve been practicing this all month. It’s getting easier, even if it doesn’t feel like it yet.

Tomorrow begins a new month and a new step. Step Eleven is about prayer and meditation, about growing closer to God day by day. The honesty you’ve built this month is the ground it stands on. It’s hard to draw close to someone while you’re still hiding from them.

One thing today

Get home sober tonight. Then write down one mask you’ve been wearing lately and one person you could be more honest with this week.

A prayer

Lord, You want truth in my inner self. Take off the masks I’ve been hiding behind. Keep me sober tonight and honest tomorrow. Teach me Your wisdom in the hidden places. Amen.

This month was Step Ten. Tomorrow begins Step Eleven.

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