October 7: Who Gets Their Way at Home
At home, who usually gets their way?
“Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”
It’s an uncomfortable question, and it’s worth sitting with. Not the big decisions. The small ones. Whose show is on. Whose schedule bends. Who gets the last word. Whose mood sets the temperature in the room.
Drinking tends to make a person the center of the house. Everyone else learns to work around you. When you were drinking, when you weren’t, how bad tonight might be. Even after you get sober, those habits can stay. The family keeps tiptoeing. And you can keep expecting them to.
Selfishness is the first of the four things Step Ten watches for, and it’s often the hardest to see. It doesn’t feel like selfishness from the inside. It feels like being tired. Or being right. Or deserving a break after a hard day. All of which might be true. But if it always works out in your favor, it’s worth a second look.
Paul’s words here are practical. Don’t do things just to win or look good. Look out for other people’s interests, not only your own. That’s not a call to become a doormat. It’s a call to notice that the people in your house have needs too, and to care about them on purpose.
Some of this is simple. Ask what someone else wants for dinner and mean it. Let someone finish their story without steering it back to yours. Do a chore nobody asked you to do and don’t mention it. Put the phone down when your kid is talking.
None of these feel like recovery work. But they are. They’re Step Ten in a kitchen. And over time, they rebuild trust in ways no speech could.
There’s grace here too. If you look back and see a lot of selfishness, that’s not a reason for shame. It’s the reason you’re doing this. Seeing it is the first step to changing it. And the people who love you will notice the change long before you think they will.
One thing today
At home tonight, find one small decision where you’d normally get your way. Let someone else have it, without sighing or keeping score.
A prayer
Jesus, You came to serve and not to be served. I want my home to feel safe and kind because I’m in it. Show me where I’ve been putting myself first, and help me look out for the people I love. Amen.
Selfishness is the first thing Step Ten asks us to watch for.
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