Widows and Widowers Drinking: Grief and Faith
Many widows and widowers start drinking more after their spouse dies, and it’s one of the most understandable ways to get hurt. Grief is heavy, the nights are long, and a drink can make them feel shorter. You can stop, and you don’t have to stop grieving to do it. God meets you in both.
The nights are the hardest
During the day there are things to do. Paperwork, calls, errands, maybe work. People check on you. Then evening comes. The other side of the bed is empty. The house makes noises you never noticed.
A drink at dinner turns into a few. A nightcap becomes the only way you can sleep. After a while you may notice you’re drinking in the afternoon too.
The casseroles stop coming after a few weeks. The phone calls thin out. Everyone else’s life goes back to normal, and yours never will. That’s often when drinking takes hold.
What Scripture says about grief
The Bible doesn’t tell you to cheer up. It lets you weep. Jesus Himself wept at the grave of a friend, even knowing what He was about to do.
“Jesus wept.”
Paul wrote that believers grieve, but not without hope. You can miss your spouse with your whole heart and still trust God with tomorrow.
“But I would not have you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning them which are asleep, that ye sorrow not, even as others which have no hope.”
And God promises to bind up what’s broken. Not to hurry you, but to heal you.
“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”
Alcohol puts grief on hold
Grief has to be felt to move. Drinking pauses it. Each morning you wake up and the loss is waiting right where you left it, often heavier. Many people in recovery say their real grieving started only after they got sober. That’s hard. It’s also the beginning of healing.
A gentle first week
You don’t need a big plan. You need a few kind, steady things.
- Day 1. Call your doctor. Tell them you’ve been drinking more since your spouse died. Ask how to stop safely.
- Day 2. Tell one person who loves you. An adult child, a sibling, a close friend, your pastor.
- Day 3. Ask someone to help you clear the alcohol out of the house.
- Day 4. Find a grief group at a church nearby, and a 12-step meeting. You may need both.
- Day 5. Plan your evenings. Dinner with someone twice this week. A phone call at the hour you usually pour.
- Day 6. Write a short letter to your spouse. Say what you miss. Say you’re getting help.
- Day 7. Go to church. If sitting in your old pew is too hard, sit somewhere new.
Safety first. If you drink heavily every day, stopping suddenly can be dangerous. Talk to a doctor before you quit.
Grief can also wear down your body. A doctor can help with sleep and anything else you’re facing, so please make that call.
The steps and grief
The Twelve Steps weren’t written for grief, but they help with it. They give your days a shape. They bring you into a room of people who will call you back. Step 11, prayer and meditation, can turn the quiet evenings into time with God instead of time with a bottle. And the later steps give you a way to help someone else, which is one of the surest ways out of loneliness.
Let people in
Widows and widowers often don’t want to burden anyone. Let people help anyway. The early church took care of widows as a basic part of its life. Accepting help is not weakness. It’s letting the body of Christ be what it was meant to be.
If you ever feel you don’t want to go on living, call or text 988 any time.
When sleep won’t come
Sarah and Jimmy are AI sponsors in the Steps & Scripture app, built on the steps and the Bible. They’re there at 2 a.m. when sleep won’t come, ready to listen, pray and help you get to morning. They’ll keep encouraging you toward people: a grief group, a meeting, a human sponsor, your church and your doctor. They’re AI and will say so.
Talk it through with Jimmy or Sarah — first month free
Jimmy and Sarah are AI sponsors who know the Twelve Steps and the Bible. They'll listen, walk the steps with you, and keep pointing you to real people: a meeting, a sponsor, a church.
Free to download · first month free, no card · adults 18+
After the first month, talking with Jimmy or Sarah needs Plus ($9.99/month or $59.99/year).
A prayer for the long nights
“Lord, I miss them so much. I’ve been using a drink to get through the nights, and it isn’t helping. Sit with me in the quiet. Hold what I can’t hold. Thank You for the years we had. Help me live the ones I have left. Amen.”
For more evening prayers, see a night prayer for sobriety.
Common questions
Is it wrong to drink to cope with grief?
It's understandable. But alcohol tends to delay grief rather than ease it, and it can make sleep, mood and loneliness worse. If you're drinking more than you used to, or can't stop when you want to, it's time to get help.
Will I ever stop missing them?
Probably not completely, and that's not a failure. Grief changes over time. Many widows and widowers find the missing becomes something they can carry, with God's help and other people's.
Are there grief groups at churches?
Many churches run grief support groups, and some use structured programs for people who've lost a spouse. Call a few churches near you and ask. You don't have to be a member.
My grown kids are worried about my drinking. Should I listen?
It's worth hearing them out. They love you and they've already lost one parent. Their worry is a sign they see something, even if it's hard to hear.
Talk it through with Jimmy or Sarah — first month free
Jimmy and Sarah are AI sponsors who know the Twelve Steps and the Bible. They'll listen, walk the steps with you, and keep pointing you to real people: a meeting, a sponsor, a church.
Free to download · first month free, no card · adults 18+
After the first month, talking with Jimmy or Sarah needs Plus ($9.99/month or $59.99/year).
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