How to Tell Your Pastor About Your Drinking
Ask your pastor for a private meeting, tell them plainly that you’re struggling with drinking, and say what you need from them. You don’t have to have a speech or a plan. “I have a problem with alcohol, and I need help” is enough to start. Most pastors have had this conversation many times and will be glad you came.
If you’re the pastor, read Pastor struggling with alcohol instead.
Why tell a pastor at all?
You might be thinking that meetings and a sponsor are enough, or that this is too personal. But a pastor can do things others can’t. They can pray for you by name. They can keep you connected to your church instead of drifting away in shame. They may know which members have walked this road and would be glad to help. And they can remind you of the gospel when you can’t hear it for yourself.
Confession also has power on its own.
“Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.”
Secrets keep drinking strong. Telling the truth to someone in spiritual authority over you takes some of that strength away.
Pick the right person
Usually it’s your senior or lead pastor. But it doesn’t have to be. In a large church, a care pastor, an elder or a recovery ministry leader may be a better fit. Pick someone you respect who seems kind and steady.
If your pastor drinks heavily, has shamed people for struggling, or you have good reason not to trust them, choose another leader. You aren’t being disloyal. You’re being wise.
Ask for the meeting
A short message is fine:
“Pastor, could I meet with you privately sometime this week? There’s something personal I need to talk about.”
You don’t have to explain more in advance. If you’re worried you’ll back out, ask a friend to check in on you the day of the meeting.
What to say
Keep it simple. Here’s one way to put it:
“I’ve been struggling with drinking. It’s worse than most people know. I’ve tried to stop on my own and I can’t. I’m telling you because I need help and I don’t want to hide anymore.”
Then add what you’re hoping for. You might want prayer. You might want help finding a meeting or a Christian counselor. You might want someone to check in on you weekly. You might want to know how to handle communion if your church uses wine. Saying it out loud helps your pastor know how to help.
It’s also fair to ask at the start: “Who, if anyone, would you share this with?” Most pastors keep these things private, but practices differ, and there are legal limits when someone’s safety is at risk.
What a pastor can and can’t do
A pastor can pray with you, walk with you, open Scripture with you, and connect you with people and groups. A pastor isn’t a doctor. If you drink every day, you also need medical advice, especially before you stop.
Safety first. If you drink heavily every day, stopping suddenly can be dangerous. Talk to a doctor before you quit.
A pastor also isn’t a sponsor. Many people in recovery have both: a sponsor who knows the steps from the inside, and a pastor who shepherds their soul.
If it goes badly
Most pastors respond with kindness. Some don’t. If you get a lecture, a quick fix, or a look of disappointment, remember that one person’s reaction is not God’s.
“Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.”
That’s how Scripture tells leaders to treat a struggling believer: gently, carrying the weight with them. If you didn’t get that, look for it elsewhere: another leader, a church recovery group, or a twelve-step meeting. Don’t let one hard conversation send you back into hiding.
After you’ve told them
Ask your pastor to check in with you, and say how often. Follow through on whatever next step you agreed on. Over time, consider letting a small circle at church know too, people who can pray and stand with you. If your pastor wants resources for a recovery ministry, point them to our page for churches.
Before you go in
Write down three things: what you’ll tell them, what you need, and one question you want to ask. Bring the paper. It’s okay to read from it.
A prayer for courage
“Lord, I’m afraid of what my pastor will think. I’ve kept this hidden a long time. Give me courage to walk in and tell the truth. Prepare their heart to respond with Your gentleness. Whatever happens, help me keep stepping into the light. Amen.”
Talk it through with Jimmy or Sarah — first month free
Jimmy and Sarah are AI sponsors who know the Twelve Steps and the Bible. They'll listen, walk the steps with you, and keep pointing you to real people: a meeting, a sponsor, a church.
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If you also need to tell your family, read How to tell your family you have a drinking problem. For confession in the steps, see Step 5.
Common questions
Should I tell my pastor I'm an alcoholic?
If you trust your pastor, telling them can be one of the best moves you make. Pastors hear hard things often. They can pray with you, keep you connected to church, and help you find meetings and other support.
Will my pastor keep it confidential?
Most pastors keep what they hear private, but practices differ and there are legal limits, especially where someone's safety is at risk. It's fair to ask at the start of the conversation who else, if anyone, they would share it with.
What if my pastor reacts badly?
Some pastors don't understand addiction well. If yours lectures you or shames you, that's not God's verdict on you. Talk to another leader, a Christian counselor or someone in a recovery group, and keep getting help.
What if I'm a church leader myself?
Tell someone outside your own chain of authority first, like a pastor at another church or a trusted friend in ministry. Our page for pastors struggling with alcohol covers who to tell and in what order.
Talk it through with Jimmy or Sarah — first month free
Jimmy and Sarah are AI sponsors who know the Twelve Steps and the Bible. They'll listen, walk the steps with you, and keep pointing you to real people: a meeting, a sponsor, a church.
Free to download · first month free, no card · adults 18+
After the first month, talking with Jimmy or Sarah needs Plus ($9.99/month or $59.99/year).
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