April 10: Truth in the Inward Parts

It’s possible to lie to yourself so smoothly that you don’t notice you’re doing it.

David wrote this psalm after he’d been caught. He’d taken another man’s wife and arranged that man’s death, and for a long time he went on as if nothing had happened. It took a prophet to break through his self-deception.

And what does he say God wants? Truth in the inward parts. Not just honest words to other people. Honesty on the inside, in the hidden places, where you talk to yourself.

People in recovery know how good the mind is at telling stories. It was just a couple. Everybody drinks like that. I’ll start fresh Monday. The stories kept the drinking going. They also keep resentments going. They were wrong, I was right, end of story.

Step Four is a practice in inward truth. As you write, you’ll catch yourself softening things. Leaving out a detail. Writing “we argued” when the truth is you screamed. Writing “I was a little late” when you didn’t show up at all. Notice that. Then write it plainly.

That’s hard. It doesn’t feel good. But the same verse says something gentle: You teach me wisdom in the inmost place. Honesty isn’t just a demand. It’s how God teaches you. When you stop lying to yourself, you start to understand yourself, and wisdom grows in the space the stories used to fill.

Being honest with yourself also means being honest about good things. If you’ve stayed sober this week, that’s true. If you’ve shown up for your family, that’s true too. Inward truth isn’t only about the bad. It’s about seeing clearly.

The more honest you get on paper, the less the old stories have to stand on.

One thing today

Reread one page of your inventory. Find one place where you softened the truth and rewrite that line plainly. Then write one true good thing about this week in the margin.

A prayer

God, I’ve gotten good at telling myself stories. I want truth in my heart instead. Show me where I’m still fooling myself, and teach me wisdom in the hidden places. Amen.

Keep working your inventory: Step Four.

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