April 20: Where Are You?
Hiding was a skill you got very good at: bottles in the garage, stories about where you’d been, a smile at church.
“And they heard the voice of the LORD God walking in the garden in the cool of the day: and Adam and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the LORD God amongst the trees of the garden. And the LORD God called unto Adam, and said unto him, Where art thou? And he said, I heard thy voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked; and I hid myself.”
Right after the first sin, Adam and Eve hid. They heard God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid among the trees. Shame came in, and the first thing it did was make them hide from the One who loved them most.
And what did God do? He came looking. He called out a question: where are you?
God knew where they were. The question wasn’t for His information. It was an invitation. Come out. Talk to me. Tell me what happened.
Adam’s answer is honest in a way: I heard You, and I was afraid, because I was naked, and I hid. Afraid. Exposed. Hiding. That’s how a lot of people feel during Step Four. The inventory feels like stepping out from behind the trees.
Drinking requires hiding. You hid how much you drank. You hid how you felt. You hid from people who might have helped. Eventually you hid from yourself. Recovery reverses that, one honest step at a time.
Your inventory is your answer to God’s question. Where are you? Here. This is what I’ve done. This is what I’m afraid of. This is who I’ve hurt. This is what I’ve been carrying.
It isn’t easy. But notice that God didn’t wait for Adam to clean himself up first. Later in the same chapter, God makes clothing for them. Even while dealing with the consequences, He covers them.
God still comes looking. Still asks. Still covers.
Coming out of hiding rarely happens all at once. It happens one line at a time, one honest conversation at a time. Every true sentence you write is a step out from behind the trees and into the open, where God is waiting.
One thing today
Write a short answer to God’s question at the top of a new inventory page: where am I right now? Be honest. Then keep working on your columns.
A prayer
God, I’ve been hiding for a long time, from You and from everyone. I hear You calling. Here I am. I’m afraid, but I’m coming out. Thank You for coming to look for me. Amen.
Coming out of hiding is the heart of Step Four.
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