April 4: Writing the Names Down

You probably already know the first few names. They show up in your head when you’re driving, in the shower, at two in the morning.

Resentment is a strange thing. It feels like it’s punishing the other person, but they usually aren’t thinking about you at all. You’re the one carrying it. You’re the one replaying the argument, rewriting what you should have said, feeling your jaw tighten all over again.

In recovery, resentment is often called the number one offender. It’s the feeling most likely to take a sober person back to a drink. That’s why the inventory starts here.

Paul’s list in this passage is honest. Bitterness, wrath, anger, outcry, slander, malice. He knew how real those are. But he doesn’t stop at “put them away.” He says why we can: because God in Christ forgave us. You aren’t asked to manufacture forgiveness by willpower. You’re asked to receive it first, and let it flow out from there.

That comes later, though. Today’s job is simpler. It’s the first column: who or what you resent. People, yes. But also institutions, like a church, an employer, the courts. And principles, like the idea that life should be fair.

Write the names fast. Don’t stop to explain. Don’t argue with yourself about whether it’s petty. If the name stings, it goes on the list. A short list isn’t a mark of maturity, and a long list isn’t a sign of how bad you are. It’s just the truth about what you’ve been carrying.

You may notice your body reacting as you write. A tight chest, a burst of anger, maybe tears. That’s normal. Take a breath. Get a glass of water. Then keep going.

There’s something freeing about seeing the names on paper. They’re out of your head. They can’t circle as loudly. And you’ve taken the first honest look.

One thing today

Set a timer for fifteen minutes. Fill the first column with every person, institution and principle you resent. Don’t write causes yet. Just names.

A prayer

Father, You know the names I’ve been carrying. Help me write them down honestly, without excuses and without fear. Thank You that You’ve already forgiven me. Teach me, slowly, to forgive too. Amen.

See how the columns fit together on the Step Four page.

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