August 22: Harms You Can't See

You never hit anyone. You never stole anything big. So your list should be pretty short, right?

When Samuel went to anoint a new king, he looked at the tallest, most impressive son and thought, surely this is the one. God said no. People look at the outside. God looks at the heart.

That’s true of harm too. Some of the deepest damage we do isn’t visible. It doesn’t show up on a police report or a bank statement. It lives in someone’s heart.

Think about emotional harm. Going cold and silent for days. The way you made people walk on eggshells. Promises broken so many times your kids stopped believing them. Anger that made your home tense. Criticism that made someone feel small. Being there in body but gone in every other way.

Think about spiritual harm too. Did your drinking make someone lose faith? Did you mock what someone believed? Did your hypocrisy, going to church on Sunday and drinking all week, push someone away from God?

These harms are easy to leave off the list because they don’t feel concrete. But they’re often the ones people remember most. Your kids may not remember the car you crashed. They’ll remember how they felt waiting to see what mood you’d be in.

Go back through your list with this in mind. Next to each name, ask: did I harm them emotionally? Spiritually? Add what you find. Some new names may come up.

It helps to ask someone close to you, gently, what it was like for them. Not to start an amends conversation. Just to understand. You may hear things you didn’t know. Listen without defending yourself. Then write it down.

This can be painful. It’s supposed to be honest, not crushing. God looks at your heart too, and He sees a forgiven child doing hard, honest work.

One thing today

Go through your list and add one line to three names: how your drinking affected them emotionally or spiritually. Be specific and kind to yourself.

A prayer

Lord, You see the heart. Show me the harms I’ve missed, the ones that didn’t leave marks anyone else could see. Help me be honest without being crushed. Amen.

The Step Eight page talks about the different kinds of harm.

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