June 5: Help My Unbelief

You know you’re supposed to be entirely ready. You’re not. Not even close.

A father brought his son to Jesus. The boy had been tormented for years. The disciples had already tried to help and failed. By the time the father got to Jesus, he was worn out. If You can do anything, have compassion on us and help us.

Jesus answered: if you can believe, all things are possible to him who believes.

And the father cried out the most honest prayer in the Bible: I believe. Help my unbelief.

He had some faith. Not much. Mixed with doubt. And Jesus didn’t send him away to work up more belief first. He healed the boy.

That’s a picture of how Step Six works when you don’t feel ready. “Entirely ready” can sound impossible. Especially when some of your defects feel like old friends. You don’t want to give up your temper. Or your private self-pity. Or the way you manipulate people to get what you want.

In recovery, people often say: if you’re not willing, pray to be willing. And if you’re not willing to be willing, pray for that. It sounds like a joke, but it’s serious. It’s the father’s prayer. I’m willing. Help my unwillingness.

You don’t have to manufacture readiness. You bring what you have, even if it’s small and shaky. Then you ask God to do the rest.

That’s honest. And honesty is something God works with.

On days when prayer feels empty, this one still works. It doesn’t require feeling anything. It just requires telling the truth.

Talk to your sponsor about the defects you’re not ready to release. Saying it out loud to another person often loosens the grip a little. You may find others have struggled with the same ones.

One thing today

Look at your defect list. Put a mark next to the ones you’re not ready to let go of. Then pray over each one: I’m not willing yet. Make me willing.

A prayer

Lord, I want to be ready, and I’m not. Some of these defects I still want to keep. I’m willing in part. Help my unwillingness. Make me ready. Amen.

On willingness: Step Six.

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