May 2: When Silence Wears You Out

You might not have realized how tired you were from carrying it all until you started to think about putting it down.

David describes something physical here. When he kept silent, his bones wasted away. He groaned all day long. Day and night, God’s hand was heavy on him. His strength dried up like a summer drought.

That’s what secrets do. They’re not just in your head. They sit in your chest, your shoulders, your stomach. They keep you up at night. They make you jumpy when someone asks a simple question. For a long time, alcohol was one way to numb that weight. Without it, you can feel all of it.

Then David says: I acknowledged my sin to You. I didn’t hide my iniquity. I said, I will confess my transgressions to the Lord. And You forgave the iniquity of my sin.

The relief is almost instant in the psalm. Confession, and then forgiveness. The heavy hand lifts.

That’s what Step Five offers. Not a punishment, but a release. Many people describe a physical lightness after their Fifth Step. Shoulders that finally drop. Sleep that comes easier. A strange sense of freedom walking out of the room.

Of course, getting to that conversation takes courage. The heavy feeling might even get worse as the date gets closer. That’s normal. It doesn’t mean something is wrong. It’s the weight getting ready to come off.

If this is a hard morning, notice where you feel the weight in your body. Then remember that you won’t carry it much longer. You’ve already done the hard work of writing it down. Now you only have to say it.

Notice too that David didn’t wait until he felt worthy to confess. He confessed while he was still worn out and groaning. You can come to God tired, aching and unsure. That’s exactly the condition this psalm was written for.

One thing today

Take a slow walk, even ten minutes. As you walk, tell God plainly what you’re carrying. Then thank Him in advance for the relief of putting it down.

A prayer

Lord, I’m tired of carrying these secrets. My body feels it. I want to stop hiding. Help me get to the day when I can say it all, and lift this weight from me. Amen.

Read more about Step Five.

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