May 5: Choosing Who Will Listen

Choosing who will hear your Fifth Step matters, and it’s worth thinking it through.

Proverbs draws a simple contrast. One person goes around telling secrets. Another, with a faithful spirit, keeps a matter hidden. You need the second kind.

Here are some things to look for in the person who will hear your Step Five.

Someone who can keep a confidence. This is the first thing. What you share needs to stay between you, God and them.

Someone who won’t be shocked or hurt. A sponsor who has worked the steps themselves is often ideal, because they’ve been on the other side of this conversation. A pastor or priest is also a good choice. They’ve heard a lot, and they understand confession.

Someone who isn’t involved in what you’re confessing. This is important. A spouse, for example, is usually not the right person, especially if some of what you’re sharing would hurt them deeply. Step Five isn’t about unloading pain onto someone close to you. It’s about being honest with a person who can hold it well. Amends to the people you’ve hurt come later, in a different way.

Someone who understands recovery, or at least respects it. They don’t need to have all the answers. They mainly need to listen.

And it must be a person. A real human being. Not a journal. Not an app. Not an AI. Those can help you prepare, but the step itself happens face to face with someone who can look at you and still care.

If you don’t have a sponsor yet, this might be the push to ask someone. Or talk to your pastor about whether they’d be willing.

Take your time choosing, but don’t let choosing become a way to delay. Pick the best person you can find, ask them this week, and trust God with the rest.

One thing today

Write down two or three people who might be right for your Step Five. Next to each, write whether they can keep a confidence and whether they’re involved in your inventory. Choose one.

A prayer

God, help me choose the right person to hear this. Lead me to someone faithful who will keep it close and listen with grace. Thank You for the people You’ve put around me. Amen.

More on choosing your listener: Step Five.

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