October 24: The Faults You Can't See

What if the thing you most need to see about yourself is the one thing you can’t?

Everyone has blind spots. A tone of voice they don’t hear. A habit of interrupting. A way of turning every conversation back to themselves. A pattern of promising and not delivering. Other people see it plainly. You don’t, because you’re inside it.

That’s one limit of personal inventory. You can only find what you’re able to see. You can be honest and thorough and still miss the thing that’s causing the most trouble.

That’s why recovery puts so much weight on other people. A sponsor. Friends in the program. A pastor. A spouse who’s earned the right to be honest. People who can say, kindly but plainly, “Can I point something out?”

The proverb is blunt. Faithful are the wounds of a friend. A real friend will sometimes say things that sting. An enemy, or a flatterer, will tell you what you want to hear. The kisses feel better in the moment. The wounds do you more good.

This is hard to receive. When someone points out a fault, the first reaction is almost always to defend. “That’s not what I meant.” “You don’t understand.” “Well, you do it too.” Step Ten asks for something different. Listen. Say thank you. Take it home and think about it. Pray about it. You don’t have to agree on the spot. But don’t throw it away.

You can also ask for it on purpose. That takes some courage. Pick someone you trust and say, “Is there anything you’ve noticed about me that I might not see? I really want to know.” Then be quiet and let them answer. Don’t argue. Don’t explain. Just listen.

Most people find that what they hear isn’t nearly as bad as they feared. And it’s often exactly the piece they’d been missing.

Over time, you get better at seeing yourself. Not perfect. But better. And you get better at receiving correction without falling apart, which is its own kind of freedom.

One thing today

Ask one person you trust this question: “Is there something about me you think I don’t see?” Listen to the answer without defending yourself. Say thank you.

A prayer

Lord, I can’t see all my own faults. Give me honest friends, and give me the humility to listen to them. When the truth stings, help me receive it as a gift. Amen.

Honest friends make Step Ten more complete.

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