October 23: The Old Resentment Is Back

You worked through this resentment months ago. So why is it back?

Maybe you saw them at a family event. Maybe someone mentioned their name. Maybe a song came on, or you drove past the old house. And just like that, the whole thing came back. The anger. The hurt. The conversations you never got to have. It’s as if all your work on it never happened.

That can be discouraging. You might wonder if you ever really forgave them. You might wonder if you’re doing recovery wrong.

You’re not. Old hurts come back. That’s normal. Forgiveness is often less like flipping a switch and more like pulling weeds. You can clear a whole garden, and some roots stay in the ground. They sprout again when the weather is right.

The writer of Hebrews talks about a root of bitterness springing up and causing trouble. Bitterness has roots. It grows back. And if it’s left alone, it doesn’t just trouble you. It troubles the people around you. It shows up in your tone, your patience, your sleep.

So when an old resentment sprouts, treat it like any new one. That’s Step Ten. Notice it. Name it. Don’t be surprised by it. Look again at your part, even if you’ve done that before. Sometimes there’s a layer you missed. Pray for the person again, even through gritted teeth. Talk about it with someone.

You might find it pulls out more easily this time. The root is shallower than before. Or you might find it’s deep, and you need more help with it. A pastor or a trusted friend in recovery can help you see whether there’s more to work through.

What you don’t need to do is pretend you’re over it when you’re not. That’s a quiet kind of dishonesty, and it keeps the root alive. God can work with an honest “I’m still angry.” He can’t do much with “I’m fine” when you’re not.

And remember that forgiving someone doesn’t mean trusting them again, or letting them back into your life. It means letting go of the right to get even. You can do that and still keep a healthy distance.

One thing today

If an old resentment has resurfaced, write down the person’s name and what brought it back. Pray for them by name, then tell one person about it before the day ends.

A prayer

Father, I thought I’d let this go, and here it is again. Pull up the root of bitterness in me, as many times as it takes. Help me forgive again, and keep my heart soft. Amen.

Resentment is the first thing Step Ten watches for.

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