October 28: Talking Back to Self-Pity

Poor me. Nobody understands. Nothing ever works out. Sound familiar?

Self-pity is quiet. It doesn’t throw things. It sighs. It sits on the couch and replays every unfair thing that’s happened. It tells you that you’ve had it harder than other people. That you’re doing all this work and getting nothing back. That nobody notices how much you’re trying.

Some of what it says might even be true. Life can be unfair. Recovery is hard work. People don’t always notice. But self-pity takes those true things and twists them into a reason to give up. And for many people, self-pity was the voice that poured the drink. “After everything I’ve been through, I deserve this.”

The psalmist here does something worth copying. He talks back to himself. Why are you in despair, my soul? Why are you so disturbed? Hope in God. He doesn’t deny he feels low. He asks why. Then he points his soul in a different direction.

That’s a skill you can learn. When self-pity starts its speech, you can interrupt it. Ask it questions. “Is that really true? Is it always true? What would I say to a friend who said this?” Then turn toward God. “Hope in God. I will still praise Him.” You might not feel it yet. Say it anyway. Feelings often follow.

Step Ten treats self-pity as something to notice and bring to God, like resentment or fear. Often it’s a mix of both. Resentment toward people who haven’t treated you right, and fear that things will never get better.

The quickest way out of self-pity is usually to help someone else. Call someone newer than you and ask how they’re doing. Do something kind for someone who can’t pay you back. It’s hard to keep feeling sorry for yourself while you’re focused on someone else’s need. The program says it plainly: helping others is part of staying well.

One thing today

When you catch self-pity today, ask it out loud: “Why are you so downcast?” Then do one helpful thing for someone else within the hour.

A prayer

Lord, I’ve been feeling sorry for myself. I don’t want to stay here. Lift my eyes. Help me hope in You again, and show me someone I can help today. Amen.

Self-pity is worth catching early in Step Ten.

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