September 14: When an Amends Goes Wrong

You said too much. Or not enough. You got defensive. You brought up what they did. Afterward, you felt worse than before. Did you ruin it?

The psalmist says God heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. He’s talking about people who are hurting. People who feel broken. That includes you this morning.

Amends don’t always go the way you planned. You’re human. You might slip back into old patterns in the middle of it. Justifying. Explaining. Blaming. Or you might freeze up and not say what you came to say. That’s not unusual, especially with the first few.

Shame will tell you that you’ve made everything worse. That you can’t do anything right. That you should give up on Step Nine. Don’t listen.

Here’s what grace says. You tried. That took courage. You made a mistake in how you did it. You can learn from that. And in many cases, you can go back.

Talk to your sponsor about what happened. Look at where it went off track. Did you start explaining? Did they push a button? Did you go in without enough preparation? Learn what you can.

Then consider whether it’s right to try again. Sometimes a simple follow-up helps. “I came to make amends the other day, and I didn’t do it well. I got defensive, and that wasn’t fair to you. I’m sorry.” That’s an amends for the amends. It’s humble. And it often means more than a perfect first try would have.

Some people won’t give you a second chance. That’s okay too. You can still learn from it and do better with the next name on your list.

God binds up wounds. Yours and theirs. Let Him work on both.

One thing today

If an amends went badly, write down what you’d do differently. Talk it over with your sponsor. Decide together whether to follow up.

A prayer

Lord, I didn’t do that well, and it hurts. Heal my broken heart, and heal theirs too. Help me learn and try again, without shame driving me. Amen.

If shame is loud this morning, read the page on shame after drinking.

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