Step 9 of the 12 Steps: Making Direct Amends Safely
Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
Step 9 of the 12 Steps is where you go to the people on your list and set things right. Face to face where you can, with repayment where something was taken, and never at the cost of hurting someone else. It is the most practical step in the program, and the one that needs the most care.
The line above is the 1939 first-edition wording. Note both halves. “Direct amends wherever possible” keeps you from dodging. “Except when to do so would injure them or others” keeps you from doing damage.
What Step 9 means in plain words
An amends is not an apology. “Sorry” says you feel bad. An amends says, “Here is what I did. It was wrong. What can I do to make it right?” Then you do it, and you live differently afterward.
“Direct” means you go yourself, in person if you can. Not a text from a distance, and not a message passed through someone else, unless there is no other way.
“Wherever possible” admits that some people can’t be reached. Some have died. Some have asked never to hear from you. The book has guidance for those too.
“Except when to do so would injure them or others” is a real limit, not a loophole. You don’t confess an affair in a way that wrecks a third person’s life. You don’t name people who were part of something. You don’t make an amends that costs your family their home without counsel.
The spiritual principle: discipline
The principle traditionally tied to Step 9 is discipline. Feelings will tell you to wait for a better time, or to blurt it all out today. Discipline does the right thing in the right order, prayed over and planned.
What the Bible says about Step 9
The app’s verse for this step is Jesus’ instruction about leaving your gift at the altar.
“So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.”
Jesus puts making peace with a brother ahead of worship. It is urgent. Waiting for the perfect moment is one of the main ways people stall in this step.
“And Zacchaeus stood and said to the Lord, “Behold, Lord, the half of my goods I give to the poor. And if I have defrauded anyone of anything, I restore it fourfold.””
Zacchaeus didn’t just say sorry. He repaid. Restitution is part of an amends where something was taken.
“Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.”
“As much as it is up to you.” You do your part and leave the response to God. More verses are on the Step 9 verses page.
How to work Step 9
1. Read in your own copy. In the Big Book (4th edition), Step 9 runs through Into Action from page 76 to page 84. Read it slowly. The book walks through going to people in a helpful, forgiving spirit, dealing honestly with creditors, handling criminal matters with counsel, and protecting others in cases of infidelity and trouble at home. It also covers people you can’t reach. The 12&12 essay on Step Nine is on pages 83 to 87.
2. Start with the easiest one. Pick a name where the harm is clear and the risk is low. One clean amends builds the courage for the next.
3. Plan what you will say. Keep it short. Name what you did. Say it was wrong. Ask what you can do to make it right. Don’t explain, don’t blame, don’t bring up their part.
4. Rehearse it. Out loud, with your sponsor, or in the app’s rehearsal mode. Think through how they might respond, including anger.
5. Get counsel on the risky ones first. This matters more than anything else on this page. Any amends that involves money owed, the law, an affair or a former partner, or that could hurt another person, gets talked over with a human sponsor or pastor before you do anything. Not after. The book itself warns against easing your conscience at someone else’s expense.
6. Go, and then record it. Note whether it was done, started, or turned into a living amends. Living amends means a lasting change in how you treat someone, used where words alone are not enough or not possible.
7. Read the promises. After your first few amends, read pages 83 to 84. They describe what people find on the far side of this work.
The app works through these questions with you:
- Which amends is easiest? Start there.
- What exactly will you say? Rehearse it before you go.
- How might they respond? What will you do if they are angry?
- Could any of your amends hurt someone else? Who have you talked it over with?
- After an amends: how did it go?
There is more on each in the Step 9 questions.
Talk it through with Jimmy or Sarah — first month free
Jimmy and Sarah are AI sponsors who know the Twelve Steps and the Bible. They'll listen, walk the steps with you, and keep pointing you to real people: a meeting, a sponsor, a church.
Free to download · first month free, no card · adults 18+
After the first month, talking with Jimmy or Sarah needs Plus ($9.99/month or $59.99/year).
What “done” looks like
Every name on the list has an amends that is done, in progress, or a living amends, and every risky one was talked over with a human sponsor or pastor first. Then you move into Step 10, where amends become a daily habit.
Common traps in Step 9
Relieving your guilt at someone else’s expense. Confessing something that devastates an innocent person isn’t an amends. It is unloading. This is why counsel comes first.
Apologizing without changing. If you say sorry for the yelling and keep yelling, you haven’t made an amends.
Waiting for the perfect moment. It rarely comes. Matthew 5:23-24 says go.
Using amends to reopen a relationship. Especially with a former partner. The goal is to set right a wrong, not to win someone back.
Arguing. If they bring up what you did and add things you remember differently, listen. You came to own your part, not to correct the record.
A short prayer before an amends
Lord, go ahead of me. Help me say what I did plainly, without excuses and without blame. Guard the other person’s heart. Whatever they say, keep me humble and kind. Amen. A fuller Step 9 prayer is here.
How Jimmy and Sarah help with Step 9
In the Steps & Scripture app, Jimmy and Sarah are AI sponsors, for men and for women. In Step 9 they help you plan what to say and rehearse it, and they ask how it went afterward. But this step is done with a human sponsor. For anything risky, they will stop and send you to a human sponsor or pastor before you act, and they will never pretend to be one.
Common questions
What is Step 9 of the 12 Steps?
Step 9 is making direct amends to the people on your Step 8 list wherever possible, except when doing so would injure them or others. It means setting things right, not just saying sorry.
What is a living amends?
A living amends is a lasting change in how you treat someone, used where a single conversation is not enough or not possible, such as with your own family or someone who has died. It is not a way to skip amends you could make directly.
Which amends need a human sponsor or pastor first?
Anything involving money owed, the law, an affair, a former partner, or anything that could hurt someone else or cost others their peace. Talk those over with a human sponsor or pastor before you do anything.
What if the person won't forgive me?
Their response is not yours to control. Your part is to admit your wrong plainly and set it right as far as you can. Many amends are received coldly and still free the person who made them.
Where are the promises in the Big Book?
On pages 83 and 84 of the 4th edition, in Into Action, right in the middle of the Ninth Step. They describe what people find after doing this work, not before.
Talk it through with Jimmy or Sarah — first month free
Jimmy and Sarah are AI sponsors who know the Twelve Steps and the Bible. They'll listen, walk the steps with you, and keep pointing you to real people: a meeting, a sponsor, a church.
Free to download · first month free, no card · adults 18+
After the first month, talking with Jimmy or Sarah needs Plus ($9.99/month or $59.99/year).
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