September 16: A Letter to Someone Far Away

One person on your list lives across the country now. Another you lost touch with years ago, but you found an address. A face-to-face meeting isn’t possible. Is a letter good enough?

Proverbs says that like cold water to a thirsty soul, so is good news from a far country. A letter from someone far away can be a gift. It can refresh someone. It can also hurt them, if it’s written carelessly.

Step Nine asks for direct amends wherever possible. When you can’t meet in person, a phone call is next best. When even that isn’t possible or wise, a letter can be the right way. Many people in recovery have made amends by letter, especially to people far away or people who might feel safer receiving a letter than a visit.

A good amends letter has a few things in common. It’s short. It names what you did, specifically, without excuses. It doesn’t mention what they did. It doesn’t ask for anything, not even forgiveness. It offers to make things right if there’s a way. It ends kindly, with no pressure to respond.

Avoid a few things too. Don’t write pages and pages about your recovery. Don’t preach. Don’t explain how sorry you feel at great length. Don’t make it about you. And don’t send it while you’re upset. Write it, sleep on it, and show it to your sponsor or pastor first.

Think about the person reading it. Will this letter be cold water to a thirsty soul? Or will it be a shock that ruins their week? If the letter might reopen wounds or affect their family, talk that over first. Sometimes the kindest letter is one that’s never sent, and the amends is made in a different way.

Then, if you send it, let it go. They may write back. They may not. You’ve done your part.

One thing today

Write a draft amends letter to one person you can’t reach in person. Keep it under one page. Then show it to your sponsor or pastor before sending.

A prayer

Lord, help me write words that bring good news, not more pain. Keep me honest and brief. Let this letter be a cold drink of water to someone I hurt. Amen.

Letters and other ways to reach people are covered on the Step Nine page.

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