September 4: Amends Is More Than Sorry
You said sorry to your wife so many times during the drinking years that the word stopped meaning anything. So why would an amends be any different?
““Speak to the people of Israel, When a man or woman commits any of the sins that people commit by breaking faith with the LORD, and that person realizes his guilt, he shall confess his sin that he has committed. And he shall make full restitution for his wrong, adding a fifth to it and giving it to him to whom he did the wrong.”
God’s law in Numbers is very concrete. When someone wrongs another person, they must confess the sin and make full restitution, adding a fifth to it, and give it to the person they wronged. Not just words. Repayment. And then some.
That’s the difference between an apology and an amends. An apology says, “I’m sorry.” An amends says, “I was wrong, and I’m going to make it right.” Amends looks at what was damaged and asks how to repair it.
The people in your life have heard a lot of “sorry” from you. Many of us apologized every morning and did the same thing again that night. To them, sorry became noise. An amends has to be different, or it’ll sound like more of the same.
So what makes it different? First, it’s specific. Not “sorry for everything,” but “I lied to you about the money, many times.” Second, it doesn’t make excuses. No “but I was drinking” or “but you were.” Third, it asks what you can do to set it right. Fourth, and most important, it comes with a changed life. The amends is shown over time by how you live.
Some harms have a clear repair. Money taken can be repaid. Property broken can be replaced. Others don’t. You can’t give back missed birthdays. For those, the amends is often a living one. Showing up for every birthday from now on.
If you use the Steps & Scripture app, you can rehearse an amends there first and hear how it sounds. It can help you catch excuses before they slip out.
One thing today
For your next amends, write three things: what you did, specifically; what you can do to make it right; and how you’ll live differently from now on.
A prayer
Lord, I’ve said sorry so many times it’s lost its meaning. Help me make real amends. Show me how to set things right, not just talk about them. And help my life back up my words. Amen.
Step Nine is about setting it right, not just saying sorry.
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