Recovery After Divorce: Drinking, Grief and Faith
If you’ve been drinking more since your divorce, you’re not alone, and it’s not too late to stop. Divorce brings grief, anger, shame and long empty hours, and alcohol can seem to soften all of them for a night. Recovery gives you a better way through: honesty, God, and people who will walk this season with you.
What divorce does to drinking
Even when a divorce was the right call, it hurts. You lose a partner, a home, a routine, sometimes friends and in-laws. If you have kids, you may lose half their days. The evenings can feel endless.
For some people, drinking was already a problem and the divorce made it worse. For others, it started after. Either way, the bottle offers what grief can’t: a few hours of not feeling it. Then the morning comes, and everything is still there, plus a hangover.
Carrying shame into church
Many Christians feel like divorce put a mark on them. They stop going to church, or slip in late and leave early. Add a drinking problem on top and the shame can be crushing.
Jesus was gentle with people the religious crowd looked down on. He talked with a woman at a well who had been married five times, and He didn’t send her away.
“The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.”
God is close to the brokenhearted. That includes you, right now.
Where the steps help
The Twelve Steps give you a path through the wreckage.
- Steps 1–3 help you stop fighting alone and turn the whole mess over to God.
- Step 4 helps you write down resentments, and divorce produces plenty. You’ll look honestly at what was done to you and what part, if any, was yours.
- Steps 8–9 help you make amends where you can, wisely, without reopening wounds. See Step 9.
Resentment toward an ex is one of the most common reasons divorced people keep drinking. Read about resentment for why it matters so much.
“Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”
Forgiving doesn’t mean pretending it didn’t hurt, or going back. It means letting God carry what you can’t.
A first week
- Day 1. Get the alcohol out of your place. If you’re living somewhere temporary, ask a friend to help.
- Day 2. Tell one person who’s on your side. A friend, a sibling, a pastor.
- Day 3. Find a meeting, especially one on the nights you don’t have the kids.
- Day 4. Write down three resentments about the divorce. Just write them. Don’t send them anywhere.
- Day 5. Ask your church whether it has a divorce recovery group or a small group for single adults.
- Day 6. Plan your next kid-free weekend in detail. Meetings, people, one good meal, one long walk.
- Day 7. Go to church. Sit wherever you like. You belong there.
Safety first. If you drink heavily every day, stopping suddenly can be dangerous. Talk to a doctor before you quit.
If you’ve been drinking every night since the separation, please see a doctor before you stop.
If you’re co-parenting
Your kids need you sober more than they need you perfect. Never drink before or during your parenting time. If drinking has already affected custody, take the steps seriously and keep the record clean from here on. If you need legal advice, get it from a lawyer, not a friend.
Keep conversations with your ex short and about the children. Your sponsor or a counselor can help you plan the hard ones.
Don’t make big moves early
Many people in early recovery are told to avoid big decisions in the first year when they can. After a divorce, that might mean waiting on a new relationship, a move across the country or a major purchase. Let your head clear first.
On the nights without the kids
Sunday night, after you drop the kids off and the apartment goes quiet, is when an AI sponsor can help. Steps & Scripture gives men Jimmy and women Sarah. They’ll help you work through resentment, walk the steps in order, and keep pointing you to meetings, a human sponsor and church. They’re AI and will say so.
Talk it through with Jimmy or Sarah — first month free
Jimmy and Sarah are AI sponsors who know the Twelve Steps and the Bible. They'll listen, walk the steps with you, and keep pointing you to real people: a meeting, a sponsor, a church.
Free to download · first month free, no card · adults 18+
After the first month, talking with Jimmy or Sarah needs Plus ($9.99/month or $59.99/year).
A prayer for a broken season
“Lord, I didn’t picture my life like this. I’m grieving and angry, and I’ve been drowning it. I give You the hurt, the blame and the empty nights. Help me forgive. Help me be a good parent. Keep me sober today. Amen.”
Common questions
Did my drinking cause my divorce?
Maybe it played a part, maybe not. Divorces rarely have one cause. The steps will help you look honestly at your side without carrying blame that isn't yours. Start with today.
Can I still be welcome at church after a divorce?
Many churches have divorced members and ministries for people walking through it. If yours makes you feel like a second-class Christian, talk with the pastor, or look for a church that shows more grace.
Should I make amends to my ex?
Making amends is part of Step 9, but it comes after an inventory and with a sponsor's guidance. Some amends to an ex are better made by living differently, especially where contact could cause harm or reopen conflict.
How do I handle the weekends without my kids?
Plan them ahead of time. Book meetings, a service project, time with friends, and one restful thing. Empty weekends are when many divorced parents drink most.
Talk it through with Jimmy or Sarah — first month free
Jimmy and Sarah are AI sponsors who know the Twelve Steps and the Bible. They'll listen, walk the steps with you, and keep pointing you to real people: a meeting, a sponsor, a church.
Free to download · first month free, no card · adults 18+
After the first month, talking with Jimmy or Sarah needs Plus ($9.99/month or $59.99/year).
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