How to Find a Sponsor, and How to Ask
To find a sponsor, go to the same meetings regularly, listen for someone with steady sobriety whose life you’d want, and ask them after a meeting: “Would you be willing to sponsor me?” That’s really all it takes. Most people overthink this step for weeks. Pick someone good enough, ask, and let God work out the rest.
If you’re not sure what a sponsor does, start with the glossary entry on sponsors.
Where to look
Meetings you attend regularly. This is where most people find a sponsor. Pick one or two meetings and go every week, so you start to recognize people and they recognize you.
Step meetings or literature studies. People who show up to study the steps tend to have worked them.
Christian 12-step groups and church recovery ministries. If you want a sponsor who shares your faith, these groups make it easier. See Christian AA meetings for how to find them.
Online meetings. Possible, especially in rural areas, though a sponsor you can sit across from usually works better.
What to look for
- Steady sobriety. Many groups suggest at least a year, often more.
- They’ve worked all the steps. Ask. Someone who hasn’t finished can’t easily guide you through them.
- You want what they have. Not their car or their job. Their calm, their honesty, the way they talk about their family.
- Same sex. Most groups suggest men sponsor men and women sponsor women.
- Time to give. Someone sponsoring eight people may not have room for you.
- Respect for your faith. You don’t have to find a Christian, but you do need someone who won’t mock what matters most to you.
What not to look for: someone you’re attracted to, someone you want to impress, or someone who’ll go easy on you.
“Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.”
How to ask
Find them after a meeting, or call if you have their number. Say something like:
“Hi, I’ve been listening to you share for a few weeks. I’m looking for a sponsor, and I’d like to ask if you’d be willing.”
Then stop talking. They may say yes on the spot. More often they’ll ask some questions or suggest you talk over coffee first.
Questions to ask them back:
- How do you usually work the steps with people?
- How often would we meet or talk?
- How do you feel about me bringing Scripture and prayer into the step work?
- What do you expect from me?
If they say no
It happens. It’s rarely personal. They may already be sponsoring several people, going through something themselves, or simply not sure they’re the right fit.
Say thank you, and ask who they’d suggest. Then ask the next person. Some people find it helps to ask someone to be a temporary sponsor, someone to call and start the steps with while they keep looking.
What happens next
Once someone agrees, the work begins. Most sponsors will want you to:
- Call them regularly, often daily at first.
- Keep going to meetings.
- Start reading and working the steps with them, in order.
- Be honest, especially about the things you’d rather not say.
Safety first. If you drink heavily every day, stopping suddenly can be dangerous. Talk to a doctor before you quit.
If you’re still drinking every day while you look for a sponsor, see a doctor too. A sponsor can’t help with withdrawal.
Scripture’s long tradition of mentors
Paul and Timothy. Naomi and Ruth. Elijah and Elisha. The Bible keeps showing one person walking a little ahead of another. Paul told older women to teach the younger, and older men to set an example. That’s sponsorship long before the word existed.
“Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children,”
Talk it through with Jimmy or Sarah — first month free
Jimmy and Sarah can start the steps with you while you look for a human sponsor, and they'll keep asking whether you've found one yet.
Free to download · first month free, no card · adults 18+
After the first month, talking with Jimmy or Sarah needs Plus ($9.99/month or $59.99/year).
One thing to do this week
At your next meeting, write down the first names of two people whose sharing you trusted. Before you leave, get one phone number. Next week, ask.
A prayer before you ask
“Lord, I need someone to walk with. Show me who. Give me the nerve to ask, and if they say no, give me the grace to ask again. Let me be teachable. Amen.”
Wondering if you can skip this part? Read Can you get sober without a sponsor?
Common questions
How long should I wait before getting a sponsor?
There's no set rule. Many people ask within their first few weeks of meetings. Waiting for the perfect person can turn into never asking, so it's fine to start with someone good enough.
What do I say when I ask someone to sponsor me?
Keep it simple: 'I've been listening to you share, and I'm looking for a sponsor. Would you be willing to sponsor me?' Then let them answer. Most people will ask a few questions of their own.
What if they say no?
Thank them and ask someone else. A no is usually about their time or how many people they already sponsor. You can also ask them who they'd suggest.
Can I change sponsors?
Yes. It happens often and isn't a betrayal. Thank your sponsor honestly and move on if the fit isn't right.
Should a man sponsor a woman?
The common practice is that men sponsor men and women sponsor women. It keeps the focus on recovery and protects both people.
Talk it through with Jimmy or Sarah — first month free
Jimmy and Sarah are AI sponsors who know the Twelve Steps and the Bible. They'll listen, walk the steps with you, and keep pointing you to real people: a meeting, a sponsor, a church.
Free to download · first month free, no card · adults 18+
After the first month, talking with Jimmy or Sarah needs Plus ($9.99/month or $59.99/year).
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