Step 3 Questions: Getting Ready to Decide
These Step 3 questions help you see where you’ve been running your own life, what you’re afraid of in handing it over, and what you’ll do tomorrow to act on the decision. There are six. Jimmy and Sarah walk through the same six in the app, one at a time.
Before you start
Read pp. 58–63 in your own copy of the Big Book (4th edition). The first question depends on it. Then find a quiet half hour. You can do these in one sitting, since Step 3 is a single decision, but don’t rush the third question.
“Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him, and he will act. He will bring forth your righteousness as the light, and your justice as the noonday.”
The six questions
1. Read the actor passage (pp. 60–62). Where in your life are you trying to run the whole show?
The book describes someone who tries to arrange every scene and every person to suit himself, and gets frustrated when it falls apart. Make a list: work, family, money, church, friendships. Next to each, write how you try to control it.
2. How has running it on your own worked out?
Look at your list from question 1 and be honest. Some areas may look fine on the surface. Ask the people closest to you, in your head, how they’d answer for you.
3. What scares you about turning it over?
This is the question people skip, so take your time. Common fears: losing control, being made to do something you’d hate, that God will take away what you love, that it won’t work. Write yours down plainly. Naming a fear usually shrinks it.
4. What does “the care of God” mean to you? Care, not punishment.
If your picture of God is a stern judge, Step 3 will feel like surrendering to an enemy. Write what care looks like from a good parent or a good friend. Then ask whether you can believe God is at least that good.
5. Are you ready to make this decision today?
Yes, no, or almost. If it’s no, write what’s in the way. If it’s almost, ask whether you’re waiting for a feeling. The decision is an act of the will, not a mood.
6. What will you do tomorrow morning to act on this decision?
Be concrete. Pray the Third Step prayer before you check your phone. Call your sponsor. Write the first three names on your Step 4 resentment list. Choose one.
The two checks
Before the app marks Step 3 complete, it asks:
- Have you made the decision and prayed it out loud, ideally with another person?
- Are you ready to start your written inventory this week?
The book asks for both: the decision and the action that follows. Step 4 begins on the very next page.
A note for the hesitant
If question 3 turned up fears you can’t move past, you don’t have to settle them alone. Talk them over with a sponsor, a pastor, or someone with a few years of recovery. Many people take Step 3 still afraid. They just stop letting the fear make the decision.
When you’re ready, pray the Third Step prayer. The Step 3 page explains the step in full, and the Step 4 questions are what comes next.
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