August 11: The List Isn't About You
When you picture making amends, who’s at the center of the picture? You, feeling relieved? Or them, being cared for?
“Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”
Paul tells the church not to act out of selfish ambition or conceit. In humility, count others as more important than yourself. Look out not only for your own interests, but also for the interests of others.
Step Eight can quietly become about you. You want to feel lighter. You want the guilt gone. You want to hear “I forgive you.” Those aren’t bad things to want. But if they become the goal, amends can turn selfish.
Another trap is putting yourself at the top of the list. “The person I hurt most was me.” There’s truth in that. Drinking did harm you. But the step is about others. When you care for others first, you find that you benefit too. That’s how it works. Not the other way around.
So as you look at your list, try asking different questions. What would actually help this person? What do they need from me? Would contacting them help them, or just help me feel better? Is there something I took that I need to give back?
Some people on your list may not want to hear from you at all. Their interest might be for you to leave them alone. Respecting that can be the most loving thing you do. That’s something to think about with a sponsor or pastor.
Paul goes on to talk about Jesus, who didn’t hold on to His rights but made Himself a servant. That’s the attitude for this step. Not, “How do I get free of this guilt?” But, “How can I serve the people I hurt?”
One thing today
Pick three names on your list. Next to each, write one sentence answering this: “What would actually help this person?”
A prayer
Lord, I want to feel better, and I keep making this about me. Turn my eyes to the people I hurt. Show me what would help them, and give me a servant’s heart. Amen.
Keeping the list about others is one of the traps the Step Eight page warns about.
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