August 2: Afraid to Write the Names

You sat down to start the list. You wrote one name, then put the pen down and walked away. Why does a list of names feel so frightening?

Paul reminded young Timothy that God didn’t give us a spirit of fear. He gave us a spirit of power, love and self-control. Timothy was nervous and young, leading people older than him. Paul wanted him to know where his strength came from.

Writing the amends list stirs up fear for a lot of reasons. Fear of what you’ll remember. Fear of facing the people on it. Fear of how many names there will be. Fear that you’ll have to call your ex, your boss, your father.

Here’s something that helps. Writing a name is not the same as making the amends. Step Eight is only the list and the willingness. Nobody is asking you to pick up the phone today. You’re just telling the truth on paper.

And remember who you’re doing this with. Not alone. God gave you a spirit of power, so you can face hard things. Love, so you can care about the people on the list instead of just your own fear. Self-control, so you can take this at a careful pace.

Take it slowly. Write a few names, then stop. Pray. Come back tomorrow. You might find that each name gets a little easier. And you might find that the fear was bigger than the task.

It helps to talk to someone while you do this. A sponsor who’s done it. A pastor. Someone who can say, “That’s normal. Keep going.” You’re not the first person to sit with a pen shaking.

One more thing. Don’t judge the list while you write it. Don’t stop to decide whether a name really counts or whether the harm was big enough. Just write. Sorting comes later, with help. Right now the only job is honesty.

One thing today

Write three names on your list. Just three. Then close the notebook and pray Paul’s words over yourself: power, love and self-control.

A prayer

God, I’m afraid of this list. Thank You that You didn’t give me a spirit of fear. Give me power, love and self-control as I write. Help me tell the truth, one name at a time. Amen.

The Start Here page explains how each step prepares you for the next.

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