August 20: Plans Need Good Counsel

One name on your list is a former partner. Maybe there was an affair. Maybe things ended badly. You feel like you need to reach out. Should you?

Proverbs says plans fail without counsel, but with many advisors they succeed. That’s especially true for the hardest names on your list.

Some amends are simple. Others can do more harm than good if you rush them. A former partner who’s moved on and married. Someone you had an affair with. A situation involving the police or the courts. Old money troubles with someone you don’t want to be connected to again.

These names still belong on the list. Write them down honestly. But next to them, write: “Talk to sponsor or pastor first.” Before you contact anyone like this, talk it over with a real person who knows you and understands the program.

Here’s why. Reaching out to an ex can reopen wounds for them, for their new family, and for your current family. Confessing an affair to the person’s spouse can blow up lives that had nothing to do with your drinking. Legal matters can have consequences you don’t see. An amends that injures someone else isn’t really an amends. It’s moving your guilt onto someone else.

That’s not an excuse to skip the hard ones. It’s a reason to be careful. A wise sponsor or pastor will help you find the right way. Sometimes that’s a direct conversation. Sometimes a letter. Sometimes a living amends. Sometimes it’s praying for them and leaving them in peace.

The willingness is what matters in Step Eight. Be willing to do whatever’s right. Then let wise counsel help you find what “right” looks like.

Pride says, “I can figure this out myself.” Wisdom says, “Let me get advice first.”

One thing today

Next to any name that involves a former partner, an affair, the law or money, write “talk it over first.” Then set a time to meet with your sponsor or pastor.

A prayer

God, some of these names are complicated. I don’t want to hurt anyone more trying to make things right. Give me wise counsel, and the humility to listen to it. Amen.

Step Nine explains why these amends are talked through before anything is done.

Talk it through with Jimmy or Sarah — first month free

Jimmy and Sarah are AI sponsors who know the Twelve Steps and the Bible. They'll listen, walk the steps with you, and keep pointing you to real people: a meeting, a sponsor, a church.

Download on theApp Store Get it onGoogle Play

Free to download · first month free, no card · adults 18+

After the first month, talking with Jimmy or Sarah needs Plus ($9.99/month or $59.99/year).