August 30: Names You Can't Reach
One name on your list belongs to someone who’s gone. Your father. A friend. A grandparent you let down. You’ll never be able to say you’re sorry. Does that name still belong on the list?
“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.”
Paul calls God the Father of mercies and the God of all comfort. He comforts us in every trouble, so that we can comfort others with the comfort we’ve received.
Names of people who’ve died can be the most painful on the list. There’s grief, and there’s guilt, and they get tangled together. You wish you’d done things differently. You wish you’d had one more chance. That ache is real.
Yes, the name belongs on the list. Step Eight asks you to become willing to make amends to everyone you harmed. Being unable to reach someone doesn’t mean you can’t be willing.
There are ways to make amends to someone you can’t reach. Many people write a letter to the person who died and read it aloud at their grave or with a sponsor. Some make amends to the person’s family in a careful way, if that would help and not hurt. Some do something in the person’s honor, giving to a cause they loved or helping someone the way they wished they’d helped this person. Your sponsor or pastor can help you think about what fits.
You can also bring this grief to God. He is the God of all comfort. He doesn’t want you to carry this alone. Tell Him what you wish you’d said. Cry if you need to. Grief is not a lack of faith.
And notice the end of Paul’s sentence. The comfort you receive is for passing on. Someday, someone in recovery will be grieving a person they can’t make amends to. Your story may help them.
One thing today
If there’s someone on your list who has died, write them a short letter. Say what you’d want to say. Then share it with your sponsor or pastor.
A prayer
God of all comfort, I can’t reach this person anymore. I’m sorry for what I did. Comfort me in this grief, and show me a way to honor them. Amen.
Step Nine covers ways to make amends to people you can no longer reach.
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