My Dad Is an Alcoholic: What Can I Do?

If your dad is an alcoholic, the first thing to know is that it isn’t your fault, and it isn’t your job to fix him. What you can do is get safe, tell someone, and find support for yourself. God sees what’s happening in your family, and He cares about you in it.

If you’re still living at home

This part is for teens and younger readers.

Living with a dad who drinks can be confusing. Some days he’s fun. Other days he’s angry, sleeping, or not there at all. You might feel embarrassed to bring friends over. You might try to be perfect so nothing sets him off.

Here’s what helps:

Tell one safe adult. Your mom, a grandparent, an aunt, a teacher, a school counselor, a youth pastor. You’re not betraying your dad. You’re getting help.
Have a safety plan. Know which neighbor or relative you can go to. Keep a charged phone. Don’t get in the car with him if he’s been drinking. Call someone for a ride.
Keep doing your life. School, sports, church, friends. You’re allowed to be a kid.
Know the numbers. If someone’s being hurt or you feel unsafe, call 911. If you feel like you can’t go on, call or text 988.

If you’re grown

Maybe you’ve moved out, but the phone calls still knot your stomach. Holidays are hard. You worry about him driving. You wonder whether to let your own kids spend time with him.

You can love your dad and still set limits. “I’d love for you to come for dinner. If you’ve been drinking, I’ll have to ask you to leave.” “The kids won’t ride with you.” Say it calmly, ahead of time, and then do what you said.

If you notice the drinking has shaped you, the page on adult children of alcoholics goes deeper.

What the Bible says

God tells us to honor our parents.

“Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.”

Exodus 20:12 · KJV

Honor doesn’t mean covering up, lying, or putting yourself in danger. You can show respect and still tell the truth.

And when an earthly father lets you down, God doesn’t.

“When my father and my mother forsake me, then the LORD will take me up.”

Psalm 27:10 · KJV

He is the Father who never drinks too much, never forgets, never leaves. You can bring Him your anger and your love at the same time.

Talking to your dad

If it’s safe, and you’re old enough to try, pick a sober moment. Keep it short. “Dad, I love you. I’m worried about your drinking. I want you around for a long time.” You can say how it affects you. Don’t argue with him while he’s been drinking.

It can help to have a sibling or your other parent with you. Read how to talk to someone about their drinking before you start.

He may brush it off. Plant the seed anyway. Many people later say a child’s words were the ones they couldn’t shake.

What you don’t have to do

Pour out his alcohol or hide his keys every night.
Make excuses to relatives.
Take care of him when he’s hungover so he can keep going.
Carry this as a secret.

That’s not being disloyal. It’s letting him face his own choices. See enabling vs loving.

Help for you

You need people who understand. Alateen and Al-Anon are groups for young people and adults with a drinking family member. Many churches have recovery ministries too. Steps & Scripture is not affiliated with Al-Anon, Alateen, Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc., or any recovery organization.

A counselor can help too, especially if your home has been scary.

If he decides to quit

His first stop should be a doctor. Stopping suddenly after years of heavy drinking can be dangerous.

Safety first. If you drink heavily every day, stopping suddenly can be dangerous. Talk to a doctor before you quit.

You could also show him Steps & Scripture, where men are paired with Jimmy, an AI sponsor.

Something you could pass to your dad

Jimmy is an AI sponsor for men who walks the Twelve Steps with Scripture. He'll talk any hour and keep sending your dad toward a doctor, meetings, a real sponsor and church. It's not your job to make him use it.

Download on theApp Store Get it onGoogle Play

Free to download · first month free, no card · adults 18+

After the first month, talking with Jimmy or Sarah needs Plus ($9.99/month or $59.99/year).

A prayer

“Father God, my dad is hurting himself and us. I love him, and some days I’m so angry. Keep me safe. Show me who to talk to. Do in his heart what I can’t. And be my Father in every way he can’t right now. Amen.”

For more ways to pray, see praying for an alcoholic family member.

Common questions

Is it my fault my dad drinks?

No. Nothing you did or said made him drink, and nothing you could do will make him stop. That choice belongs to him. Kids often blame themselves, and it's never true.

Does honoring my father mean I have to keep quiet?

No. Honoring him means treating him with respect and wanting his good. It doesn't mean lying for him, staying in danger, or pretending everything is fine.

Who should I tell if I'm a teenager?

Tell a safe adult: your other parent, a grandparent, a teacher, a school counselor, a youth pastor or a coach. If you're ever unsafe, call 911.

My dad is older now. Should I still say something?

Yes, if it's safe to. Age can make heavy drinking more dangerous, especially with medicines. A calm talk, maybe with a sibling, can be the start. Encourage him to see his doctor.

Talk it through with Jimmy or Sarah — first month free

Jimmy and Sarah are AI sponsors who know the Twelve Steps and the Bible. They'll listen, walk the steps with you, and keep pointing you to real people: a meeting, a sponsor, a church.