Praying for an Alcoholic Family Member
When you’re praying for an alcoholic family member, pray honestly, pray specifically, and pray for yourself too. Ask God to open their eyes, keep them safe and put the right people in their path. Then ask Him for peace, wisdom and strength for you. Prayer isn’t a way to control the outcome. It’s how you hand someone you love to the only One who can reach them.
Why praying for them is so hard
You’ve probably prayed the same prayer a hundred times. Maybe you’ve stopped expecting anything. Maybe you feel guilty for being angry at God, or at them. All of that is normal, and none of it disqualifies you.
Jesus told a story about praying and not giving up, about a widow who kept going back to a judge until he answered her.
“And he spake a parable unto them to this end, that men ought always to pray, and not to faint;”
Keep going back. Not because God needs to be worn down, but because prayer keeps your heart connected to Him while you wait.
When you’re angry at God
Some days you won’t feel like praying for them at all. You may be furious that God hasn’t stepped in, or worn out from hoping. Tell Him that. The Psalms are full of people asking “How long?” and “Where are You?” David prayed that way and still called God his rock. Honest anger brought to God is still prayer. What hurts faith is hiding from Him because you think you have to sound calm first.
If it helps, pray one line: “Lord, I don’t know what to pray. Please do what I can’t.” That counts.
Verses to stand on
When you don’t have words, these are worth praying back to God.
He is near when your heart is breaking:
“The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.”
You can bring every worry, including this one:
“…do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
And when you have no words at all, the Spirit prays for you:
“Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.”
What to pray for them
Try praying through these one at a time, by name:
- Clear sight. That they’ll see what drinking is doing, and stop believing it’s fine.
- Safety. On the road, at night, in their body, for anyone near them.
- The right people. A friend in recovery, a pastor, a doctor, a sponsor, someone who can say what you can’t.
- Willingness. Not perfection. Just the first small willingness to ask for help.
- A soft heart toward God. Even if they’ve walked far from Him.
What to pray for yourself
This part gets skipped, and it shouldn’t.
- Peace that doesn’t depend on whether they drank today.
- Wisdom to know when to speak and when to stay quiet.
- Courage to keep your limits and stop covering for them.
- Release from guilt for what isn’t your fault.
- Company. People who will pray with you.
The Third Step prayer from the 1939 Big Book is a prayer of surrender many families find they need as much as the drinker does. You can read it on our Step 3 prayer page.
Praying with others
You weren’t meant to pray alone about this. Ask a small group, a prayer partner, or your pastor to pray with you regularly. Al-Anon meetings and church-based recovery groups for families often close with prayer, and some people find praying in that room easier than anywhere else. Steps & Scripture is not affiliated with Al-Anon, Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc., or any recovery organization.
When prayer has to come with action
Prayer and action go together. If your loved one is in danger, drives drunk, or threatens anyone, pray on the way to calling 911. If you’re being hurt, the National Domestic Violence Hotline is 1-800-799-7233. If they mention suicide, call or text 988 with them.
Specific prayers
We’ve written prayers for some of the most common situations:
If your prayer gets answered
One day they may say, “I think I need help.” Have a next step ready. A doctor comes first, because stopping heavy drinking all at once can be dangerous.
Safety first. If you drink heavily every day, stopping suddenly can be dangerous. Talk to a doctor before you quit.
You could also hand them Steps & Scripture. An AI sponsor walks with them through the Twelve Steps with Scripture and prayer, and keeps steering them toward meetings, church and a real sponsor. It’s theirs to use. Their chats stay private, even from family.
A prayer for today
“Lord, You love [name] more than I do. I can’t reach them, but You can. Open their eyes. Keep them safe tonight. Bring the right person across their path. And hold me together while I wait. I trust You with what I can’t fix. In Jesus’ name, amen.”
For more on the home side of this, read Living with an alcoholic.
Common questions
Why hasn't God answered my prayers for my loved one?
We don't always know. God gives people real choices, and sometimes the answer takes years. Keep praying, and ask God to show you what He's doing in you in the meantime. Unanswered doesn't mean unheard.
Is it wrong to pray that they hit bottom?
Many families pray that their loved one will see the truth, whatever it takes. That's an honest prayer. It helps to add a request for their safety and for the people around them, and to leave the how to God.
Should I tell them I'm praying for them?
Sometimes it's welcome, sometimes it feels like pressure. If it would start a fight, just pray. Your prayers don't need their permission or their awareness to matter.
What should I pray for myself?
Peace that doesn't depend on whether they drank today, wisdom about what to say and what to leave alone, courage to keep healthy limits, and people around you who can carry some of the weight.
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