My Friend Drinks Too Much: Should I Say Something?

Yes, you can tell a friend you’re worried about their drinking, and a good friend often should. Say it once, privately, with care and specific examples. Then keep being their friend, whatever they decide. You can’t make them stop, but you can be someone who told them the truth and stuck around.

Why it’s so awkward

Friends usually don’t talk about this. Drinking may be part of how you hang out: game nights, tailgates, happy hour, a bottle of wine on the porch. Saying something can feel like judging, or like you’re ruining the fun.

You might also wonder if you’re overreacting. Maybe you’ve seen them blackout drunk a few times. Maybe they’ve cancelled plans, missed work, gotten a DUI, or said things they don’t remember. Maybe their spouse has hinted to you that it’s bad.

If you’re asking the question, something has caught your attention. That’s worth listening to.

What Scripture says about friendship

The Bible has a lot to say about friends who tell the truth.

“Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy.”

Proverbs 27:6 · ESV

A friend’s honest words can hurt, and still be the most loving thing anyone offers. Flattery is easy. Truth takes courage.

“Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!”

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 · ESV

You might be the person who helps lift them up. Or you might be the one who stays near while they fall and get back up.

How to bring it up

Pick a sober time. Not at a party, not on a group text. Coffee, a walk, a drive.
Lead with care. “I care about you, and I’ve been worried.”
Give one or two examples. “Saturday you didn’t remember the drive home. That scared me.”
Ask how they’re doing. Drinking often covers something else. Stress, grief, loneliness. Listen.
Offer something real. “If you ever want to talk to someone, I’ll go with you.” “I’d love to do something on Friday that doesn’t involve drinking.”

Our page on how to talk to someone about their drinking has more detail.

What to avoid

Labels like “alcoholic” in the first conversation. Let them get there themselves.
Bringing it up while they’re drinking.
Ganging up with other friends without a plan.
Gossiping about it to people who can’t help.
Bringing it up every time you see them.

If you drink together

This is worth being honest about. If drinking is a big part of your friendship, you may need to change your own habits for a while. Suggest a hike, a game, a meal, church, a project. Your example can say more than a speech. Read gray area drinking if you’re wondering about your own drinking too.

If you’re worried about safety

Call 911 if your friend is passed out and you can’t wake them, is breathing strangely, is about to drive drunk, or is threatening anyone. If they talk about wanting to die, stay with them and call or text 988. If you think they’re in an abusive relationship, the National Domestic Violence Hotline is 1-800-799-7233, and you can call it to ask how to help.

Keep being a friend

Whatever they say, keep showing up. Invite them to things. Pray for them. Text on a hard anniversary. If they get sober someday, you’ll be glad you stayed close. If they don’t, you’ll know you loved them honestly.

Don’t cover for them, though. Lying to their spouse or boss isn’t friendship. Read enabling vs loving.

If they decide to stop

Encourage them to see a doctor before they stop, especially if they drink every day.

Safety first. If you drink heavily every day, stopping suddenly can be dangerous. Talk to a doctor before you quit.

Then help them find a meeting and a church. You could also send them Steps & Scripture.

Something you can text a friend

Jimmy (for men) and Sarah (for women) are AI sponsors who walk the Twelve Steps with Scripture, day or night. They'll keep pushing your friend toward a doctor, meetings, a human sponsor and church. You can pass it on. The rest is up to them.

Download on theApp Store Get it onGoogle Play

Free to download · first month free, no card · adults 18+

After the first month, talking with Jimmy or Sarah needs Plus ($9.99/month or $59.99/year).

A prayer for your friend

“Jesus, You called Your disciples friends. Help me be a real friend now. Give me the right words and the right timing. Open my friend’s heart. Keep them safe tonight. Amen.”

Common questions

Is it my place to say something?

If you're a real friend, yes. You don't need to be their parent or pastor. You only need to care and say what you've seen, once, kindly.

What if we usually drink together?

Be honest about that. You might say, 'I've been thinking about my own drinking too.' Suggesting things to do that don't involve alcohol can help both of you.

What if they get angry and stop talking to me?

That can happen. Many friendships survive it, and some get stronger later. Leave the door open and keep being kind.

How do I help a friend who's trying to quit?

Invite them to things without alcohol. Don't drink around them in the early months. Check in. Show up. Celebrate their milestones quietly if they want that.

Talk it through with Jimmy or Sarah — first month free

Jimmy and Sarah are AI sponsors who know the Twelve Steps and the Bible. They'll listen, walk the steps with you, and keep pointing you to real people: a meeting, a sponsor, a church.