My Husband Drinks Too Much: What Does the Bible Say?
If your husband drinks too much, the Bible doesn’t ask you to pretend it’s fine, and it doesn’t ask you to fix him. Scripture calls drunkenness sin and warns how alcohol deceives. It also calls you to speak the truth in love, to stop carrying what isn’t yours, and to bring your own heart to God. You can’t make him stop. You can stop living as if his drinking is your job to manage.
What Scripture says about drinking too much
The Bible is honest about what heavy drinking does to a man. Proverbs paints the picture in detail: the sorrow, the fights, the red eyes, the bruises he doesn’t remember getting, and the pull to go back for more.
“Who hath woe? who hath sorrow? who hath contentions? who hath babbling? who hath wounds without cause? who hath redness of eyes? They that tarry long at the wine; they that go to seek mixed wine. Look not thou upon the wine when it is red, when it giveth his colour in the cup, when it moveth itself aright. At the last it biteth like a serpent, and stingeth like an adder. Thine eyes shall behold strange women, and thine heart shall utter perverse things. Yea, thou shalt be as he that lieth down in the midst of the sea, or as he that lieth upon the top of a mast. They have stricken me, shalt thou say, and I was not sick; they have beaten me, and I felt it not: when shall I awake? I will seek it yet again.”
If that reads like your Saturday nights, you’re not imagining things. God saw this long before you did.
Paul tells believers not to be drunk with wine, but to be filled with the Spirit instead.
“And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit,”
That verse speaks to your husband. It isn’t yours to enforce. Your part is described in a different verse.
“But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ:”
Truth and love together. Not truth without love, which turns into nagging and contempt. Not love without truth, which turns into silence and cover-ups.
Is it really “too much”?
You may be asking because he says you’re overreacting. A few honest questions can help you see it clearly:
- Does he often drink more than he says he will?
- Has he promised to cut back and not kept it?
- Do you plan your evenings around his mood or his drinking?
- Do the kids act differently when he’s been drinking?
- Do you hide it from family, church or friends?
You don’t have to diagnose him. That isn’t your job, and no list can do it. But if several of these are true, the drinking is hurting your home, whatever he calls it. The page on signs of alcoholism explains more.
What helps
Talk when he’s sober. Pick a calm morning, not the middle of a drinking night. Say what you’ve seen and how it affects you, in plain words. “Last night you fell asleep on the couch and missed Emma’s call. I’m worried about you.” The page How to talk to someone about their drinking walks through it.
Let him face his own mess. Don’t call in sick for him. Don’t make excuses to his mother. Don’t clean up after him so the morning looks normal. Read Enabling vs loving for where the line is.
Say what you will do, not what he must do. “If you’ve been drinking, I’ll drive the kids.” “If you drink tonight, I’ll go to my sister’s.” Then do it, calmly.
Bring in other people. Your pastor. A Christian counselor. A trusted older couple. Drinking problems grow in secret.
What doesn’t help
- Arguing with him while he’s drunk.
- Counting drinks, checking the trash, searching the truck.
- Threats you won’t follow through on.
- Drinking with him so he isn’t alone in it.
- Carrying it all by yourself because you’re afraid of what people at church will think.
What to tell the kids
Children notice more than you think. You don’t need to give them every detail, but don’t tell them nothing is wrong. Something simple and true works: “Dad has a problem with drinking. It’s not your fault, and you can’t fix it. You can always tell me how you feel.” Then keep their days as steady as you can.
Taking care of you
You matter to God apart from your husband’s drinking. You need sleep, friends, food, worship and a place to be honest.
“…casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.”
Support groups for families can help a great deal. Al-Anon, for example, has met for decades with spouses and family members of people who drink, and many churches have recovery ministries with groups for family members. You’ll meet women who understand without needing it explained. Steps & Scripture is not affiliated with Al-Anon, Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc., or any recovery organization.
If he ever threatens you, hurts you, or drives drunk with the kids, call 911. You can also reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233. Read Should I leave my alcoholic spouse? if you’re weighing your safety.
If he decides he wants help
When he’s ready, a doctor should be his first call. Stopping suddenly after long, heavy drinking can be dangerous.
Safety first. If you drink heavily every day, stopping suddenly can be dangerous. Talk to a doctor before you quit.
You can also show him Steps & Scripture. Jimmy is an AI sponsor for men who walks through the Twelve Steps with Scripture and keeps pushing toward meetings, a real sponsor and church. It’s something you can hand him, not something you have to run.
A prayer for today
“Father, You know my husband better than I do. You know what’s under the drinking. I give him to You. I can’t change him, and I’m tired of trying. Give me words when I should speak and quiet when I should be still. Protect our children. Hold me up. Amen.”
For more words to pray, see A prayer for my husband who drinks.
Common questions
Is it a sin for my husband to drink?
The Bible doesn't forbid every drink, but it plainly calls drunkenness sin and warns that wine can lead a person astray. Whether his drinking is a problem isn't decided by one verse. It's shown by what it's doing to him, to your marriage and to your home.
Can I make my husband stop drinking?
No. You can't make anyone stop, and trying usually leaves you exhausted and him resentful. You can tell him the truth, stop covering for him, protect yourself and your children, and pray. The choice to change is his.
Should I pour out his alcohol?
Pouring it out rarely changes anything. He can buy more, and it tends to turn the problem into a fight about you. Your energy is better spent on an honest talk at a sober moment and on getting support for yourself.
What if he gets angry or scary when he drinks?
Your safety and your children's safety come first. If you're in danger, call 911. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is 1-800-799-7233, or text START to 88788. Talk with your pastor and a counselor too.
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