What Does a Sponsor Do? What to Expect
A sponsor walks you through the Twelve Steps, takes your calls, reads the book with you, hears your inventory, and tells you the truth when nobody else will. In the first months, that usually means a short daily call, a regular sit-down to read and work a step, and a nudge to keep going to meetings. A sponsor is a guide, not a boss and not a counselor.
If you just want the definition, the glossary has a short entry on sponsors. This page is about what the relationship actually looks like once someone says yes.
The first few weeks
Most sponsors start by getting to know you. Expect questions like:
- How much were you drinking, and for how long?
- Have you tried to stop before? What happened?
- Are you going to meetings? Which ones?
- Do you have a copy of the book?
Many will ask you to call every day, even for two minutes. The point isn’t the content of the call. It’s building the habit of picking up the phone before you’re in trouble, so it isn’t hard to do when you are.
They’ll probably want you at meetings often. Some suggest ninety meetings in ninety days. Others ask for a set number each week.
Working the steps together
This is the heart of it. Sponsors differ in style, but most will:
- Read the book with you, often the first 164 pages, a section at a time.
- Explain each step from their own experience, not just the text.
- Give you something to do, like writing, praying, or reading, and then check it.
- Hear your Step 5. You’ll sit with them and read your written inventory out loud. See Step 5.
- Help you with amends, so you make them wisely and don’t cause more harm.
For a fuller look at the process, see step work.
On the hard days
A sponsor is the person you call when you want a drink, when you’ve had one, or when life falls apart. They’ll usually ask simple questions. Where are you? Have you eaten? Who else can you call? What would you tell a newcomer to do right now?
They’ve been there. That’s what makes them different from a well-meaning friend.
Safety first. If you drink heavily every day, stopping suddenly can be dangerous. Talk to a doctor before you quit.
What a sponsor won’t do
A sponsor isn’t a doctor, lawyer, banker or marriage counselor. They won’t lend you money, find you a job, or fix your family. A good one will send you to a pastor, counselor or doctor when that’s what you need. Our page on Christian counselor vs. sponsor explains the difference.
What a sponsor expects from you
The relationship works both ways. Most sponsors ask for:
- Honesty, especially about the things you’d rather hide.
- Willingness to do the work, even when you don’t see the point yet.
- Follow-through. Call when you said you’d call. Show up when you said you’d show up.
- Openness to correction. If you only want someone to agree with you, a sponsor will disappoint you.
If you’re the newer person, you’re called a sponsee.
A friend who wounds you faithfully
Proverbs says a friend’s wounds can be faithful, and an enemy’s kisses deceitful. A sponsor who only flatters you isn’t helping. One who will lovingly say, “That’s not true, and I think you know it,” might save your life.
“Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy.”
Talk it through with Jimmy or Sarah — first month free
Jimmy and Sarah can do some of what a sponsor does, like walking through the steps and checking in daily. They'll still keep pushing you toward a human sponsor.
Free to download · first month free, no card · adults 18+
After the first month, talking with Jimmy or Sarah needs Plus ($9.99/month or $59.99/year).
Check yourself this week
If you have a sponsor, ask yourself: when did I last tell them something I didn’t want to say? If it’s been a while, call today.
If you don’t have one yet, read How to find a sponsor.
A prayer for the relationship
“Lord, thank You for the people who’ve walked this road before me. Make me teachable. Give my sponsor wisdom, and give me the honesty to let them see the real me. Amen.”
Common questions
How often should I talk to my sponsor?
Many sponsors ask for a daily call in the first months, even a short one. Later it may be a few times a week. Ask yours what they expect and then do it.
Does my sponsor have to be available 24 hours a day?
No. Sponsors have jobs and families. Most will pick up in a real emergency, but you should also have other people in recovery to call, and 988 or 911 in a crisis.
Can my sponsor tell other people what I share?
A good sponsor keeps what you tell them private. If you're worried, ask about it directly before your Step 5. The one exception is real danger to you or someone else.
What if my sponsor starts drinking again?
Pray for them and reach out, but find someone else to guide your step work, at least for now. Their slip doesn't undo your sobriety.
Talk it through with Jimmy or Sarah — first month free
Jimmy and Sarah are AI sponsors who know the Twelve Steps and the Bible. They'll listen, walk the steps with you, and keep pointing you to real people: a meeting, a sponsor, a church.
Free to download · first month free, no card · adults 18+
After the first month, talking with Jimmy or Sarah needs Plus ($9.99/month or $59.99/year).
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