August 8: As Much as Depends on You

This weekend there’s a family get-together. Someone on your amends list will be there. Someone who’s angry with you will be there. Maybe someone who hurt you, too. How do you walk in?

Paul’s words are realistic. If it’s possible, as much as it depends on you, be at peace with everyone. He knew it wouldn’t always be possible. He knew some people won’t make peace. So he puts the focus on your part.

That’s helpful for family gatherings in recovery. You can’t control how your uncle acts. You can’t make your sister stop being cold. You can’t make the old tension go away. But you can choose how you act.

A gathering is not the time to make formal amends. Don’t pull someone aside at a barbecue to have a big talk about the past. That’s Step Nine work, done carefully and at the right time. Today, your job is simpler. Be kind. Be calm. Be sober.

A few practical things. Bring your own drinks. Plan when you’ll leave, and have your own way home. Decide ahead of time how you’ll answer if someone asks why you’re not drinking. Something short. “I’m not drinking these days.” You don’t owe anyone a speech.

If someone brings up the past, you don’t have to argue. “You’re right, I wasn’t at my best back then” goes a long way. Humility and peace are close friends.

If things get tense, step outside. Take a walk. Call someone from recovery. Leave early if you need to. Leaving early is not failure. It’s wisdom.

And remember, living differently in front of your family is itself a kind of amends. They’ll notice. Maybe not today. But they’ll notice.

One thing today

Before your next family event, write down three things: what you’ll drink, when you’ll leave, and who you’ll call if it gets hard.

A prayer

Lord, I can’t control my family, but I can control myself. As much as it depends on me, help me be at peace. Keep me sober, calm and kind. Amen.

If the pull to drink shows up at the gathering, try something from the alcohol cravings page.

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